Paris Hilton Gives Hobo $100

Pack your bags and look to the heavens, because the final sign of end-times is about to pour forth from hecklerspray's keyboard.

Seriously, look in the New Testament  - hecklerspray is mentioned explicitly. It goes something like: "…and when the h-spray writes an article about Paris Hilton without mentioning her lazy eye or her overall gangliness, ye shall know the Earth shall be smitten within the hour".

They did have hours back then, right? Well proper time-measurements or not - Paris Hilton went and did something decent. It seems she gave a homeless guy a hundred dollars. 

We're desperately looking for something to mock in there, but it ain't coming easy.

hecklerspray's really swallowing its pride here. Seriously, we've written no less than 312 articles on Paris Hilton, and more often than not they've included either the line "…thoughts of her femininity single-handedly turned Brad over in accounting gay" or "…we smelled her pants once - R-A-N-K."

And usually such unbecoming Paris Hilton comments are well deserved too. For instance, there was the time she pissed in a taxi, the time she got busted for driving drunk, the time she got her phone hacked, the time she thought it was a good idea to release an album… should we keep going? We could, you know.

The point being, our fingers are about to go into serious shock typing something about Paris Hilton that isn't overtly negative. Don't worry though, when the first signs manifest, we'll lay our fingers down and elevate their legs.

Now for the nice Paris Hilton news - as you may have guessed from the title, she gave a hobo $100, and didn't call him a 'hobo'. She was driving out of a McDonalds parking lot when a homeless man approached her car. He asked Paris Hilton for $100, then reduced his request to $1. A bystander described the scene like this:

"Paris reached down beside her and handed the man a crumpled $100 bill. She then stopped to pose for pictures with the homeless guy, who offered to wash her windows, before racing off."

We can't take it. Seriously. If we don't write something neg… -sigh-… if we have to focus on the posi… -groan-… shaking uncontrollably… Paris Hilton displaying grace and human-kindness… can't help ourselves…. can't… -sniff-… can't… SHE LOOKS LIKE A TUBE STEAK WITH LEGS… SHE HAS RACCOON-LIKE BONE STRUCTURE… WE ASSUME SHE'S DYSLEXIC.. HER PHONE NUMBER IS 213 555-1722!!!!

Oh, there ya go. That's much better.

Read more:

Paris Hilton Gives Homeless Man $100, Then Poses For Photos - Starpulse

[story by Shawn Lindseth]