Nobody Buys The Paris Hilton Album
August 30th, 2006 at 15:30 by Stuart Heritage
Paris Hilton has previously gone on record as saying that her musical talent is so powerful and enormous that she bursts into tears as soon as she even thinks about it. Sadly the same can't be said for anyone else.
For, despite being on a seemingly constant loop on all the music TV channels, the hype for the Paris Hilton single Stars Are Blind hasn't translated into album sales. This means that it's looking increasingly likely that Paris Hilton's musical career will flop badly, to the surprise of many. In other news today, the sky is blue and bears shit in the woods every now and again.
It's easy to laugh at Paris Hilton, isn't it? The way that she only ever mumbles about how hot various things are, the way that she piddles all over the interior of taxis, the way she claims to dislike sex quite a lot, Paris Hilton only seems to exist as reason for poor people to be thankful that they aren't rich.
And when Paris Hilton decided to have a stab at being a popstar, the howls of derision only got louder. We laughed when Paris Hilton started hanging out with rappers, we laughed when we heard that the first Paris Hilton single was going to be reggae and we laughed when Paris Hilton said that she was so good that she cries to think about it. But, somewhere along the line, Paris Hilton started to win us round - maybe it was the sheer bloody-mindedness of continuing to do something she wants to do even though everyone else figured that she'll be lousy at it. And, just for a second, it looked as if she'd actually pull it off.
And then the Paris Hilton album came out. And then nobody bought it. andPOP reports:
Hilton, 25, released her debut album “Paris” last week and so far sold only 75,000 copies. It is reported that next week it will only sell around 30,000 copies.
So that looks as if the kibosh has been put on Paris Hilton ever becoming a popstar. Not that her slave Elliott Mintz - a man who'd try and put a positive spin of genocide - agrees:
"For a newcomer, this is incredibly impressive."
We expect that Paris Hilton is probably wishing she had a fall-back career now that her pop dreams have been shattered. Like, um, her TV career, her publishing deals, her perfumes, the nightclubs she owns or the purses she designs, or - you know - something.
Read more:
Paris Hilton's Album Not A Hit - andPOP
[story by Stuart Heritage]
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August 31st, 2006 at 3:53 am
Oh, so there is a God? I suppose the big man works in mysterious ways. As soon as Hilton’s annoying single hit charts, I thought the apocalypse was upon on. Fortunately, I was wrong. Paris craves attention way too much for her own good. If she wanted to be a pop star so badly, perhaps she should have went through the training required. Apparently Paris refuses to tour or sing live. Wonder why? But why would Paris Hilton, a famed heiress, need to actually work for her success. I might appear angry, but the music industry has hit rock bottom. I’m relieved for the real musicians out there. Stick to media scandals.
September 23rd, 2006 at 5:44 pm
it’s amazing!
May 9th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
I bought the Paris Hilton album to give to my nephew (who is an aspiring musician, aren’t they all?). I intended it as a joke. But when I got it home and played it, I liked it. I liked it a lot. I read somewhere that she has sold over 100,000 copies. Most musicians would kill to have that many sales. So, she didn’t do too bad.
June 17th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
I loved her songs and have all of them on all formats!!! She has a great musical talent and one most top ‘musicians’ can learn from!
Stop the Paris Bashing, she is brilliant! And I am one of her biggest and loyal supporters ever!
Long live the Paris Hilton Reign!!!
Graham, UK
July 3rd, 2007 at 5:44 am
It’s actually a really good album! Maybe you played the wrong CD/artist? Paris Hilton is really talented.
November 15th, 2007 at 11:08 pm
Paris Hilton’s music is amazing! Her musical talent is undeniable and her spirit is so admirable. Buy her album and proceeds will go to drunk ele-
The album was brilliant. You should buy it.
With money.
Pa- Chuck!!