Urination is the coolest. It’s been around for well over 1000 years, and only now is it sweeping Hollywood like a swiffer gone mad. The one must-have factor in all this ultra-hip coolness, besides lots of warm urine, is an audience to bedazzle with your bladder’s capacity.
It wasn’t so long ago that The Black Eyed Peas’ Fergie wet herself in a drunken stupor onstage. Now it’s Paris Hilton, cuttin’ loose in the back-seat of a Maui taxi-cab, and the poor wet-handed driver is none too happy about it.
Harden Jamison is a taxi driver on the Hawaiian island of Maui. A
hard-working one no doubt, and he claims that he’s got a stinky rag soaked with Paris
Hilton’s (DVDs) urine to prove it.
Jamison says he picked up a drunken Hilton with her greasy millionaire
boyfriend after a night of partying Hawaii style. The cabbie claims
Hilton was too drunk to know her bladder had released. It’s unclear
whether or not she left a tip, but the driver could probably sell the
towel he dried her juice up with at auction on eBay.
bidding at $75 and see where it goes from there. That would be too
ironic, though, as one of Hilton’s cronies offered to buy the warm
drippy rag for $200 – to keep it out of the press, you see. When the
driver wouldn’t sell, the sidekicks turned mean and threatening.
The defiant driver didn’t give in to the threats, and said the
following about Paris’ stooges:
"They were all drunk and abusive. I
kicked them out and flagged down a cop."
hecklerspray doesn’t have any Paris Hilton memorabilia per se, but
we do have several buckets of vomit we made while watching the first
season of the Simple Life. Something about Hilton in laced-up denim
just doesn’t sit right. The good news is it’s dehydrated by now, so
it’ll ship easy. The bad news is it’s made primarily of a radish dip
we had at a 2003 office luncheon. That’s right, it’ll stink powerful
good if you ever re-wet it. If you’re interested, bidding genuinely starts at
Purchase of said vomit is agreeing to several disappointing trips to the mailbox.
[story by Shawn Lindseth]