There have been times when it seemed as if the Britney Spears vs Kevin Federline custody showdown would most closely resemble two yokels scrapping over who gets to eat today's serving of roadkill, with all the good stuff kept secret.
But maybe not any more; the judge given the impossible task of deciding whether Sean Preston and Jayden James would be better off under the care of Britney Spears or Kevin Federline – when the whole world knows that they'd both be better off slung into the lion den at the local zoo covered in bits of gazelle – has decided to listen to arguments saying that all the legal filings in the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline custody showdown should be made public. And if that happens, we'll all get to know what tremendous arseholes Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are in even more explicit detail than ever. If that's humanly possible.
We don't know about you, but we quite like that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are at each others' throats again. It harks back to a much simpler time when Kevin Federline was convinced that people would pay to go and see a film made of his life and all Britney Spears did wrong was be the subject of a statue where a baby pokes out of her ladycrack. But then Britney and Kevin split up and it all went so very wrong.
While Kevin Federline cruelly refused to knock up any more women, Britney Spears has spent the intervening period on a voyage of self-discovery, where she's so far discovered that she's a baldy old nutter with a vagina that won't stay put, a tendency to refer to herself as 'the antichrist' and a love of having her picture taken covered in grease and turds. Now that's over, though, Britney Spears can go back to doing what she does best – fighting with Kevin Federline about who'd be the least awful at looking after their children.
Although Britney and Kevin initially agreed to just share custody of their children, Britney Spears's recent meltdown has given Kevin Federline other ideas – which is why he's kicked off this new Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline custody bitchfight. So far all that's known is that Kevin Federline recently served Britney's assistant, but that's it – because all their custody legal filings have remained sealed. But that could all change next month, since media organisations have decided to ask the judge to make everything public. And, somewhat surprisingly, the judge has agreed, as Reuters reports:
A court commissioner on Tuesday agreed to hear arguments that legal filings in the bitter child custody battle between troubled pop star Britney Spears and her ex-husband Kevin Federline should be open to the media. Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon set a September 14 hearing date for lawyers from celebrity magazine People and local television station KNBC to argue that court records should be made public.
Obviously it'd be a whole lot of fun to see the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline court records made public, since there's nothing more exciting than the messy guts of a celebrity child custody battle, as Alec Baldwin and David Hasselhoff will gladly tell you. Already there have been claims that Britney Spears tried to get her sons' teeth whitened because their high sugar juice diet has messed their mouths up already, but who knows what Kevin Federline has been getting to with his kids. Although Britney may have publicly endangered her childrens' lives the most so far, all it takes is for one leaked report of Kevin Federline making the kids listen to his copy of Playing With Fire and we're pretty certain it'll be game, set and match to Britney Spears.
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