One Direction vs. The Wanted – Who’s Better?

WantedIf you have a Twitter account – or any access to the internet – you’ll know that there’s a nasty fight going on between One Direction and The Wanted. More specifically, between Zayn Malik and The Wanted. Other than throwing some amazing digs at one another (‘chlamydia boy’, anyone?), the fight seems to revolve around the issue of which group is ‘better’. 

Look, there’s only two says to settle this. Either the two groups get their dicks out and measure, or I decide which is better based on a variety of all-important categories. I’m going to go for the latter, as the former requires way too much work. Plus, I don’t have a tape measure handy. 

The Big Bang Theory is the Cause of All the World’s Problems

SheldonI want to start this piece with an anecdote. 

The other day, while I was walking in to the supermarket, I noticed a group of teenage girls  standing around the entrance with buckets and matching t-shirts. They were raising money for their gymnastics club. “Oh,” I thought, “I must remember to give them some change on my way out.” That’s when I heard her say it.

Cher Isn’t Too Old for Pop Music, Releases New Single

CherIt’s good that the whole Israeli-Palestine thing finished when it did, because it was about to be overshadowed by an even bigger news event. Nobody was going to care about that when they heard the story that everyone on the planet had been waiting for. Hillary Clinton must be a Cher fan, because she got that Middle East shit sorted just in time for the premiere of Her Cher-ness’ new track ‘Woman’s World’.

Now, the majority of the cynical press – of which I consider myself an integral member – will delight in the fact that a woman of sixty-six is still releasing pop music. They will call her ‘old’, ‘crusty’, they might even call her ‘saggy vagina’. Either way, I doubt that many will look past Cher’s age, facework and sparkly wigs and just comment on the music. 

The X Factor UK Is Shockingly Boring and Unwatchable

Lucy SprannanThis year is the end of an era for me. Since 2004, I have religiously watched the UK version of The X Factor. For the second half of each year, my Saturday and Sunday nights have been reserved for making judgmental comments about my favourite and least favorite contestants. It is with great sadness and pain, then, that I announce that I have thrown in the towel and am no longer watching the show in question.

I have stuck with The X Factor through thick and thin. I was there when Louis chose to save The Conway Sisters over Maria. I was there when Louis made Dannii cry on live TV. I was there when everyone thought One Direction wouldn’t make it after the show. Through voting scandals and judging battles, I have watched with excitement and joy. Why, then, have I decided to give up this year?

Dexter is Annoying the Hell Out of Me Right Now

As we head into the final five episodes of Dexter‘s seventh season (or the ‘Oh shit, another plot twist’ episodes, as I like to call them), I think it’s important to take a look at what has been going wrong this year. Don’t get me wrong, this season is a thousand times better than that religious tosh we had to put up with last year, but there are still a couple of things bothering me.

If the rumours are true, and the next season of the show is due to be its last, then these problems need to be out the way for the show to end well. After all, I’m not going to give up on a show I’ve invested years of my life in, only to be disappointed by rapidly declining quality. Nobody needs another Weeds … 

Anybody Else Wanna Stalk Ryan Gosling?

Gosling Ryan Gosling celebrated his birthday on Monday, making it 32 years since the world became substantially more cool and attractive. In this time of celebration, then; I feel like I need to get something off my chest… 

I want to be Ryan Gosling’s stalker.

You may be asking why I wish to follow a famous celebrity around as they go about their daily business. I don’t see how that can even be a question. Who wouldn’t want to discover the secret behind Mr Gosling’s effortless awesomeness? Who wouldn’t want to stare into his steely blue eyes on a daily basis? Just me?

Nicole Scherzinger Is a Crazy Attention Grabbing Nutcase

Nicole with funny hairWho is Nicole Scherzinger? The former frontwoman of popular strippers singers The Pussycat Dolls? A mildly successful solo artist? A TV show judge? These are all appropriate answers. The most important thing one needs to know about Scherzinger is that she is a total nutcase.

I know a lot of celebrities like to reinvent themselves, but Nicole takes the fucking biscuit. I mean, she’s rarely the same person for more than a couple of months. Let’s take a look at the many faces of my favourite Michael Jackson impersonator.

The 5 Most Terrifying Reality TV Stars

Honey Boo Boo's MamaUnless you were too busy fleeing from a hurricane, you may have noticed that Halloween was a couple of days ago. I spent the day as I spend any other day; watching a horrendous amount of reality television. Don’t think I wasn’t scared though.

It has recently dawned on me that I’m no longer scared by the monsters from Hollywood movies. No, I’m scared of things that are real. Yes, real life terrifying creatures who are often prone to fits of unprovoked rage. So, here’s my list of the five scariest reality stars of all time. Enjoy …

Why The X Factor Is Such A Spectacular Failure

x factor

I don’t know about you, but I feel cheated. After The X Factor’s disappointing debut last season, we were promised a new beginning. The judging panel was revitalised with the ditching of Paula Abdul and Nicole Shalalala, and the recent success of One Direction and Cher Lloyd has given the series a renewed spotlight.

However, I tuned in to discover the same old shit. Despite the changes in the judging panel, nothing has changed since last year. It’s predictable to the point that it becomes boring. In fact, I’m surprised it hasn’t been pulled off the schedule altogether.

Gossip Girl’s Final Season: The Horror Is Almost Over

Chuck BassIn a time of great political and social uncertainty, it’s important to think about the things that matter. I feel we should talk about the important issues. So here goes: is it just me, or are there no good teen shows out there right now? 

Wait a second, scratch that. Pretty Little Liars is pretty amazing, but that’s about it. 90210? The Vampire Diaries? Glee? I feel sorry for the youth of today. With shitty shows like this to tune into, it’s no wonder they’re all getting pregnant and snorting everything under the sun.