Unless you were too busy fleeing from a hurricane, you may have noticed that Halloween was a couple of days ago. I spent the day as I spend any other day; watching a horrendous amount of reality television. Don’t think I wasn’t scared though.
It has recently dawned on me that I’m no longer scared by the monsters from Hollywood movies. No, I’m scared of things that are real. Yes, real life terrifying creatures who are often prone to fits of unprovoked rage. So, here’s my list of the five scariest reality stars of all time. Enjoy …
Bruce Jenner (Keeping Up with the Kardashians)
Oh how the mighty have fallen. To quote Kathy Griffin, “Remember when Bruce Jenner was Bruce fucking Jenner?” The one-time sporting legend has now overtaken Joan Rivers as the plastic surgery-ridden celebrity who most resembles a melted waxwork. The extent of his face work has made Bruce look strikingly like his wife – and evil mastermind – Kris Jenner.
It’s not just his appearance that makes Jenner creepy. His antics on the show bring his sanity – and sexuality – into question. He seems to do nothing more than prance around the house, and get a little too involved in the careers of his children. The ultimate stage dad. Seriously, when Scott Disick looks normal next to you, you’re doing something wrong.
June Shannon (Here Comes Honey Boo Boo)
I don’t want to say anything too negative about June, as I do have sympathy for her. It must be so difficult to be born without a chin. I can understand why she has compensated for it by trying to form one out of neck fat.
I feel sorry for June’s children. She’s only 32 (that’s right), and she seems intent on being a terrible role model for her four daughters. Her seventeen-year-old has already had a baby, so it’s only a matter of time before another one of them develops type-2 diabetes.
Spencer Pratt (The Hills)
Thank the lord that Spencer has faded into obscurity since the demise of the pretend reality show known as The Hills. Spencer was known for being a little, let’s say ‘unstable’, on the show. Along with his wife Heidi, he was one of the most antagonistic and delusional bastards to ever set foot on a reality show.
If you don’t believe me, here is a clip of good old crazy Spencer from I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!:
Renee Graziano (Mob Wives)
All of the Mob Wives are crazy, that’s kind of the premise of the show. They each have a lot of energy that they like to put into threatening people with physical harm. Aside from Big Ang. Big Ang is just terrifying to look at.
Renee isn’t at the centre of the drama on the show. In fact, she’s kind of the peacemaker and gets along fairly well with everyone. However, she is certifiably insane. And I think she’d admit that. Last season, when she discovered that her ex-hudband Junior had ratted out her father, Renee stopped taking her meds and went bat shit crazy. It was terrifying and amazingly entertaining at the same time.
Kelly Bensimon (The Real Housewives of New York)
Kelly Bensimon’s insanity cannot be described in words. Just look at the video evidence (and ignore the stupid editing):