The fight over Anna Nicole Smith's corpse continues to rage on, with Howard K Stern wanting to bury her in The Bahamas, Vergie Arthur wanting to bury her in America and Larry Birkhead wanting to suck out all her DNA with a drinking straw.
Or something. Although the judge presiding over the great big Anna Nicole Smith body-battle has yet to reach a decision about who to give the cadaver to, he has made one very important ruling – a second DNA test is to be carried out on Anna Nicole Smith's body. Reports say that this is to ensure that Howard K Stern hasn't pulled the old baby switcheroo trick and swapped Dannielynn Hope for a baby that Larry Birkhead didn't fertilise, but there's also the argument that says the judge just wants to mix Anna Nicole Smith's DNA with some mosquito blood and open a chain of Jurassic Park-style Anna Nicole Smith Dinoporn amusement parks.
Who knew that octogenarian billionaire-marrying pornstars who sell pictures of their dead sons to magazines for hundreds of thousands of dollars, keep jugs of methadone in their fridge and deliberately underfeed their new-born baby to keep them "sexy" could be so popular? Ever since Anna Nicole Smith died, everybody wants a piece of her – and by Moses are they ever going to fight for her dead body.
The Anna Nicole Smith body-battle has been raging on for quite some time now, and still shows no sign of ending any time soon. There are basically three parties who want control of Anna Nicole Smith's cadaver: Howard K Stern, who claims he is Dannielynn's father and had a fake wedding on a boat to prove it; Vergie Arthur, who is Anna Nicole Smith's estranged mother and who got a court order banning Stern from leaving the Bahamas with Dannielynn to prove it; and Larry Birkhead, who is so sure that Dannielynn is his that he's been chasing a DNA paternity test roughly since the dawn of time to prove it. Yeah, you and everyone else, buddy.
And so far Larry Birkhead seems to be nosing ahead in the race to win Anna Nicole Smith's undead carcass – apparently concerned that Howard K Stern has swapped babies around to mess up any DNA samples on it, Birkhead requested that Anna Nicole Smith was subjected to a new DNA test, which the judge duly granted against the advice of just about everyone, as Forbes reports:
The swab of Smith's cheek was to be taken in the afternoon, despite the objections of attorneys for her longtime companion, Howard K. Stern, and her estranged mother, Vergie Arthur, and testimony from the medical examiner and DNA experts that such an additional sample was likely not necessary. Circuit Judge Larry Seidlin said he wanted to make sure all samples were taken before Smith was buried, so her body wouldn't have to be exhumed. "When we bury her, I want it to be forever," he said in the second day of an emergency hearing.
As well as paraphrasing an old Nat King Cole song in just about the best way we've ever heard, Judge Larry Seidlin seems to genuinely want to hear as much information from all sides of the Anna Nicole Smith body-battle before a verdict is reached, meaning that this hearing may very well stretch on for a lot longer yet. Things sure have changed since we lost our first-born to a gypsy in a game of Paper Scissors Stone, we don't mind telling you.
Read more:
Georgy says
I’m sold on the Jurassic Anna Nicole Park. Just remember… the cute Anna Nicole Smith dinosaurs spit acid in your face and then pull your stomach apart