It was inevitable that, in the days after Anna Nicole Smith's death, there would be a scrap over her daughter – but now so many men have stepped forward to claim fatherhood of Anna Nicole Smith's baby that it's probably worth your while to have a go, too.
So far everyone from Anna Nicole Smith's ex-boyfriend to an elderly impotent German man has decided to join this Spartacus-style rush to claim fatherhood of little Dannielynn Hope, but in the meantime it's fallen to Howard K Stern – Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer, apparent boyfriend, fake wedding partner and self-proclaimed Dannielynn Hope father – to look after the multi-millionaire baby. Because, you see, Howard K Stern loved Anna Nicole Smith – and it won't be long before Howard K Stern reveals all about his love for Anna Nicole Smith on several tabloid TV shows in exchange for whopping piles of cash.
Howard K Stern was a rare constant in the latter stages of Anna Nicole Smith's life. He was there at the US Supreme Court when Anna Nicole Smith was trying to cream millions of dollars from the family of her dead oil billionaire husband. He was there when Anna Nicole Smith's son died, conspicuously failing to advise her that selling photos of her just-dead son to the highest bidder might look a bit on the distasteful side. And he was there when nobody knew who the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby was, helping Anna Nicole through the pain with all sorts of bewildering fake marriages on boats.
So now that Anna Nicole Smith is dead, it's only natural that Howard K Stern should look after little Dannielynn Hope, the baby that Anna Nicole left behind. And it's a job that Howard K Stern is pulling off with a rare mixture of understandable grief and abject bitterness, as This Is London reports:
Choking back tears, he said: "This is the only piece of Anna I have left. I wouldn't be here now, but I had to get back to Dannielynn. I know Anna loved her more than anything in the world." But his tears quickly turned to venom as he lashed out angrily at Miss Smith's estranged mother, Virgie Arthur, who has blamed Mr Stern for her daughter's death from a suspected drug overdose. Yesterday Mr Stern hit back: "Anna despised that woman. As long as I have breath in my body, that woman will not see Dannielynn. She has no right. She can't take my baby. She can't take Anna's baby."
Of course, that's so long as Dannielynn Hope is Howard K Stern's baby. Larry Birkhead also claims that he's the father of the baby, and had constantly pushed Anna Nicole Smith into submitting Dannielynn for a DNA paternity test. But now that Anna Nicole Smith is dead, all kinds of other men have also come forward claiming that they're the father of the baby – leading us to believe that either Anna Nicole Smith was kind of easy or that there's nothing creepy men like more than opportunistically chasing after a recently-bereaved orphan's money.
Among the claimants are Prince Frederic von Anhalt – Zsa Zsa Gabor's ninth husband and a man who once sued Viagra for making him impotent; and Anna Nicole Smith's dead billionaire husband himself, J Howard Marshall – whose frozen sperm Anna Nicole Smith had apparently been inseminating herself with, if Smith's half-sister is to be believed.
So that's a lawyer, a paparazzo, an elderly impotent German and a wheelchair-bound billionaire who's been dead for 12 years all lining up to claim they got Anna Nicole Smith pregnant. Dannielynn Hope had better get her inheritance money soon, because her therapy fees are going to be astronomical once she works out what's been going on.