What will Anna Nicole Smith do for money? We’re not quite sure of the list’s exact length, but we can tell you the four things that start it out:
1) She’d cast morals and common decency to the wind and pose nude for Playboy magazine.
2) She’d let the E! network cameras film her son sleep.
3) She’d marry an 89-year-old ailing grandpa who had more than one billion dollars in his over-sized coin purse.
And last but not least…
4) She’d take the disputed claim to her deceased husband’s money all the way to US Supreme Court, battling her recently acquired step-children all the way.
Suddenly, Washington got interesting.
In 1994, Anna Nicole Smith (DVDs) (her real name being Vickie Lynn Marshall) married an extremely old oil billionaire by the name of J. Howard Marshall.
Marshall was so old in fact (63 years her senior) that after just 14 months of watching her prance around in bath towels, feather
boas, and clumps of sticky oatmeal (i.e. marriage) he kicked the
bucket. The glory of beating Scott Baio (That’s right, the old man beat out Chachi) to that grand Anna Nicole marital prize must have proved too much.
Marshall’s employees all testify he was crazy for Smith, and
the old man had updated his will since the marriage, you’d think it
would have worked out in her favour. Those updates though, failed to
mention Smith at all, leaving her legally empty-handed in the event of
his death. Within a week of her husband’s keeling Anna was battling
her new step-son for the loot she felt she was owed. It went to court
quickly, and then it went to court again and again. First she didn’t
get anything, then she got $88 million, then another court said the
judge who’d awarded her the money had unjustly interfered… you get the
picture. It was a nightmare for everyone involved.
That nightmare, though, is about to get more entertaining than
ever. Anna Nicole Smith, the woman most known for her mindless rants
on her reality TV show, and allegedly flubbing up the American Music Awards due to pills or a lack of contact lenses, is going before the Supreme Court to speak her mind.
Whether the court agrees with Smith or her financial foes is
completely up to them. Their say is final. If she wins, though, it
would completely legitimise marrying for money.
As such, Anna, if you win we love you. hecklerspray has always
loved you if you win. We love you more than a rainbow loves to be
painted on a slightly rainy sky, more than a grasshopper loves to sit
atop his perch of wheat on a brisk spring afternoon, or more than a
beautifully groomed dog loves to lick his own poop-shoot. If it’s
money you’re worried about honey, don’t. We’ve got tons of money. We
print it out on an as-needed basis, though so far only Tanzania
has recognised it as legal tender. Most regimes prefer to only accept
paper money with two printed sides. In Tanzania though, you shall live
as the queen you were born to be, and on our money, too. We love you
so very much.
Or we could just live wherever on all of your dough. That’s cool too.
Read more:
Anna Nicole legal drama moves to Supreme Court – USA Today
[story by Shawn Lindseth]