David Hans Schmidt, the man who was recently arrested for trying to extort a million dollars out of Tom Cruise with stolen wedding photos, has committed suicide in his home.
Known as the Sultan Of Sleaze, David Hans Schmidt apparently suffered from depression, probably exacerbated by his house arrest following the Tom Cruise incident. Although it's obviously tragic when a man decides to take his own life, the suicide of David Hans Schmidt does seem somewhat inevitable since at various points in his career he's attempted to market videos of Fred Durst's penis, pictures of the ginger Desperate Housewife's tits and a video of Screech from Saved By The Bell naked and erect and wiping his shit-covered fingers across a girl's face that we're frankly stunned hasn't caused even more suicides that it already seems to have done.
Today's lesson is never mess about with filmstars or you'll end up dead. First the photographer who followed Reese Witherspoon to Disneyland and then punched a five-year-old girl in the face committed suicide, and now David Hans Schmidt – the man who was recently arrested for attempting to extort Tom Cruise with stolen pictures of his wedding – has turned up dead as well. AFP reports:
A man who tried to extort money from Tom Cruise with stolen photos of the star's Italian wedding to actress Katie Holmes has been found dead, US authorities said on Saturday. David Hans Schmidt, 47, "was found dead in his home around 3 p.m. (2100 GMT) Friday" in Phoenix, Arizona, said Lieutenant Anthony Lopez, spokesman for the Phoenix Police Department. The Arizona Republic reported on its website that Schmidt had committed suicide, quoting his brother who said the publicist had suffered from depression… Schmidt, who admitted to the extortion charge in a plea deal, has been under home arrest since last month. Police went to his house after noticing the tracking device on his ankle had not moved.
Although you may not recognise his name, David Hans Schmidt was the man behind just about every single stomach-churning tale of handmade celebrity pornography we've ever mentioned on hecklerspray. As well as misguidedly trying to extort a million dollars out of Tom Cruise with stolen pictures of his wedding – even though not very many people could actually give all that much of a toss about Tom Cruise's wedding in the first place – David Hans Schmidt was also the man responsibly for the Fred Durst sex tape that made your eyes bleed, the Colin Farrell sex tape you next got to see, the Screech from Saved By The Bell sex tape that you never want to see and the naked pictures of Marcia Cross that you secretly want to see even though you'd never admit that to anyone.
In fact, such was David Hans Schmidt's dedication to marketing images of celebrity flesh that we're still partially convinced he committed suicide because someone got to Vanessa Hudgens before he did. However, although the suicide of David Hans Schmidt will make hecklerspray an undoubtedly quieter place, at least Tom Cruise won't need to go to court to fight his case against him – leaving him more time to concentrate on being the Scientologist Jesus or the Scientologist Goebbels or whatever it is he's calling himself these days.
Read more:
Publicist Who Tried To Blackmail Tom Cruise Found Dead – AFP
Adam Gade says
What about the Meg White almost sex tape? Was that his handy work too?
Scientologist says
Before someone says something ridiculous about Xenu, let me say this. I’m a Scientologist and I’ll tell you that this crazy story about Xenu is total crap. Some people in the press keep saying that this Xenu story is what Scientologists believe. This is such garbage and it’s a story repeated over and over and is intended to keep people from looking into what Scientology actually is. So why would some in the media intentionally try and keep people away from Scientology you ask? Because most media is well paid by the pharmaceutical industry. They see Scientology as a threat to their profits because it is. Scientology has many, many answers that work and are practical. Let’s look at 1 example of how the psychiatric drugging industry is hurt by Scientology technology… Let’s assume you know someone who has been depressed for several months or even years. Did you know that with Scientology you can literally snap him out of his dark days and make him feel happy again, sometimes in less than five minutes. How could this be? Because Scientology helps and works like nothing else before it. There is no need to be on a psychiatric drug everyday for the rest of your life. This is just one of thousands of solutions Scientology has and it would take literally books to tell you all it has to offer and can do. Give a Scientologist just a few minutes of your time and you’ll quickly realize what a sham psychiatry and the psychiatric drugging business is. It’s OK to be skeptical about Scientology, but don’t assume that what you’ve been told about it is actually true. Just ask yourself would all these celebrities be involved in it if didn’t help them and others tremendously?
http://WWW.WHATISSCIENTOLOGY.ORG
JBollocks says
At first I felt ashamed when I read your response, Scientogist.
Then I looked at the website.
I’m going with Marx on this one.
To paraphrase “Scientology is the opium of the vacuous A-list celebrity class”. And they deserve it.