Articles tagged with: Weekend Box Office
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs Still Weekend Box Office #1
Why didn't we see this coming? What are the two things that people love more than anything else? That's right. Meteorology and mechanically-reclaimed meatstuffs. And that's why Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs is the weekend box office number one again. It's not because no good films were released this week, or because all people are stupid. It's because Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs finally combined the public's twin loves of overcast weather and globs of nonspecific meat. Or not. Look, it's a cartoon about meatballs. We're finding it hard to care about this one, to be honest.
Why didn't we see this coming? What are the two things that people love more than anything else? That's right. Meteorology and mechanically-reclaimed meatstuffs. And that's why Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs is the weekend box office number one again. It's not because no good films were released this week, or because all people are stupid. It's because Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs finally combined the public's twin loves of overcast weather and globs of nonspecific meat. Or not. Look, it's a cartoon about meatballs. We're finding it hard to care about this one, to be honest.
Weekend Box Office Number 1: Generic Tyler Perry Product #82
Good old Tyler Perry. There genuinely isn’t a traditional box office lull that he isn’t ready to plug with one of his awful films. This time it’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself. Or, to be more accurate, Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself. He adds his name to everything you see, just so audiences can be certain that they’re watching genuine Tyler Perry mawkish, unfunny, boring, Chicken Soup For The Soul-esque dreary codswallop instead of an inferior imitation. Anyway, that’s the weekend box office number one. So it’s true - there really are that many idiots in America.
Good old Tyler Perry. There genuinely isn’t a traditional box office lull that he isn’t ready to plug with one of his awful films. This time it’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself. Or, to be more accurate, Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself. He adds his name to everything you see, just so audiences can be certain that they’re watching genuine Tyler Perry mawkish, unfunny, boring, Chicken Soup For The Soul-esque dreary codswallop instead of an inferior imitation. Anyway, that’s the weekend box office number one. So it’s true - there really are that many idiots in America.
The Final Destination Nailguns The Weekend Box Office’s Face Off
Eat it, James Cameron - all that talk about Avatar ushering in a new era of 3D magic was a lot of tits. For starters, Avatar looks like bum. And secondly, Avatar can't usher in a new era of 3D magic because The Final Destination has already ushered it in. For the second week on the trot, The Final Destination is number one at the weekend box office. Why? Well, what would you rather watch in 3D? A blue Jar Jar Binks buggering about pointlessly, or a woman getting her face smashed off by a runaway racing car tyre? Exactly.
Eat it, James Cameron - all that talk about Avatar ushering in a new era of 3D magic was a lot of tits. For starters, Avatar looks like bum. And secondly, Avatar can't usher in a new era of 3D magic because The Final Destination has already ushered it in. For the second week on the trot, The Final Destination is number one at the weekend box office. Why? Well, what would you rather watch in 3D? A blue Jar Jar Binks buggering about pointlessly, or a woman getting her face smashed off by a runaway racing car tyre? Exactly.
Inglourious Basterds Nurmbar Won At Weekend Borx Orifice
You can say a lot of things about Quentin Tarantino - mainly about his great big stupid chin if you like - but don't say he never learns. Remember Valkerie, the movie where Tom Cruise tries to kill Hitler but bollocks it all up? Not a great big hit at the weekend box office. But Inglourious Basterds, the movie where Brad Pitt tries to kill Hitler and then does, is a super duper number one hit at the weekend box office. Or maybe it's because everyone really wanted to see what Eli Roth is like as an actor. No? No, we didn't think so either.
You can say a lot of things about Quentin Tarantino - mainly about his great big stupid chin if you like - but don't say he never learns. Remember Valkerie, the movie where Tom Cruise tries to kill Hitler but bollocks it all up? Not a great big hit at the weekend box office. But Inglourious Basterds, the movie where Brad Pitt tries to kill Hitler and then does, is a super duper number one hit at the weekend box office. Or maybe it's because everyone really wanted to see what Eli Roth is like as an actor. No? No, we didn't think so either.
District 9 Eats Weekend Box Office’s Catfood
We’re not really sure why, but this weekend saw the release an unusually large amount of movies. One of them features several pig-ugly, slime-covered sub-humans who look like they suffer from chronic hygiene problems. But sadly Bandslam didn’t even make the US weekend box office top five this week. Instead, alien sci-fi movie District 9 is number one. Do you see what we did there? We said that Vanessa Hudgens looks dirty and slimy. She isn’t, of course. At least not until her next batch of naked photos hit the internet. We give it a fortnight.
We’re not really sure why, but this weekend saw the release an unusually large amount of movies. One of them features several pig-ugly, slime-covered sub-humans who look like they suffer from chronic hygiene problems. But sadly Bandslam didn’t even make the US weekend box office top five this week. Instead, alien sci-fi movie District 9 is number one. Do you see what we did there? We said that Vanessa Hudgens looks dirty and slimy. She isn’t, of course. At least not until her next batch of naked photos hit the internet. We give it a fortnight.
GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra Eye-Waggles The Weekend Box Office
Right then, GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is the number one movie at the weekend box office. This much we know. But that’s it. That’s literally it. Ahead of its release, Paramount decided not to screen GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra for anyone - and we’re not stupid enough to actually pay to see it - so we haven’t got the slightest clue what happens anywhere in the movie whatsoever. We think it’s got a cobra in it. And some bloke called Joe. And it’s about Action Man, so none of the characters have any genitals. That would make sense.
Right then, GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is the number one movie at the weekend box office. This much we know. But that’s it. That’s literally it. Ahead of its release, Paramount decided not to screen GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra for anyone - and we’re not stupid enough to actually pay to see it - so we haven’t got the slightest clue what happens anywhere in the movie whatsoever. We think it’s got a cobra in it. And some bloke called Joe. And it’s about Action Man, so none of the characters have any genitals. That would make sense.
Funny People Rib-Tickles The Weekend Box Office
Funny People is the top movie at the weekend box office this week, and it’s not difficult to see why. No, not because of Adam Sandler. Or Seth Rogen. Or Judd Apatow. No, Funny People is number one at the weekend box office because there’s nothing that people love more than ridiculously long films that don’t really seem to go anywhere and aren’t quite as funny as anyone expected. But still, Funny People’s US weekend box office success proves that you don’t need flashy CGI characters to be popular - just Adam Sandler being slightly less unbearable than he usually is.
Funny People is the top movie at the weekend box office this week, and it’s not difficult to see why. No, not because of Adam Sandler. Or Seth Rogen. Or Judd Apatow. No, Funny People is number one at the weekend box office because there’s nothing that people love more than ridiculously long films that don’t really seem to go anywhere and aren’t quite as funny as anyone expected. But still, Funny People’s US weekend box office success proves that you don’t need flashy CGI characters to be popular - just Adam Sandler being slightly less unbearable than he usually is.
G-Force Does A Sausagey Rodent Poo On The Weekend Box Office
G-Force sounded great, didn’t it? For a start, it’s called G-Force, so that promises all sorts of explosions and excitement. And it stars Will Arnett, Tracy Morgan, Bill Nighy, Zach Galifianakis, Nicolas Cage, Loudon Wainwright III, Penelope Cruz, Steve Buscemi and Sam Rockwell too, so we assumed that it had to be excellent. But no, G-Force is a film about some guinea pigs. And it looks like the worst film ever made. But, hey, it’s number one at the weekend box office this week, so what do we know? Other than that all people are idiots, obviously.
G-Force sounded great, didn’t it? For a start, it’s called G-Force, so that promises all sorts of explosions and excitement. And it stars Will Arnett, Tracy Morgan, Bill Nighy, Zach Galifianakis, Nicolas Cage, Loudon Wainwright III, Penelope Cruz, Steve Buscemi and Sam Rockwell too, so we assumed that it had to be excellent. But no, G-Force is a film about some guinea pigs. And it looks like the worst film ever made. But, hey, it’s number one at the weekend box office this week, so what do we know? Other than that all people are idiots, obviously.
