Hey everyone, ready for Tom Cruise’s big comeback? Sure you are. After all, you’ve been very patient so far.
You laboured through Valkyrie. And you even put up with Lions For Lambs, even though it was arguably the dullest, most obnoxious excuse for a film ever made. But forget all that, because this week saw the release of Tom Cruise’s new blockbuster Knight & Day. And that was surely going to propel him back to the top of the weekend box office, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? Anyone?
Apparently not. Knight & Day has been spectacularly trounced in the weekend box office by Toy Story 3 and Adam Sandler‘s new film Grown Ups. So it’s official – Tom Cruise is less popular than a cartoonish man who’s shaped like a potato. And a film that doesn’t star Adam Sandler. Full US weekend box office top five after the jump…
1 – Toy Story 3 (Let’s hope that there’s a Toy Story 4, because if the Pixar trend for making each new film more miserable than the last is any indication, it’ll involve Woody hacking off his rotting heroin-filled arm with half a baked bean tin in show motion while Buzz contracts necrotising fasciitis in his eyes and genitals) $59,000,000
2 – Grown Ups (Combining the best parts of I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry with the best parts of The Benchwarmers and the best parts of The Hot Chick. Needless to say, there are no good parts in Grown Ups) $41,000,000
3 – Knight & Day (This wasn’t just Tom Cruise’s big comeback – it was also Cameron Diaz’s big comeback, and its relative failure has now put both of their careers in jeopardy. So, you know, things aren’t all bad today) $20,500,000
4 – The Karate Kid (As well as this has done, we’re most looking forward to the remake of The Next Karate Kid, if only for the knowledge that the young actress playing the lead will most likely end up chewing her tongue off in a depressing film about boxing) $15,400,000
5 – The A-Team (Jessica Biel once made a film that people wanted to see, you know. We know, it’s crazy but it’s… oh, hang on, we were thinking of Jessica Alba. Sorry. Jessica Biel has never made a film that people wanted to see) $6,000,000
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