So we’ll just say it. It’s Lindsay Lohan. She’s made a successful film. We know. Weird, isn’t, it? Lindsay Lohan made a film that people willingly gave up some of their money to see. Bizarre, isn’t it? Lindsay Lohan. Who knew?
Fortunately Lindsay Lohan hasn’t become a total success, because that’d be berserk. But her film Machete has made the weekend box office top five, almost beating the new George Clooney film The American. But that hardly matters. Lindsay Lohan is a success again. And you know what that means? COCKTAILS! US weekend box office top five after the jump…
1 – The American (Starring George Clooney, so presumably its full title is The American Who Can’t Go More Than Five Seconds Without Advertising Coffee Or Booze Wherever He Goes) $12,968,000
3 – Takers (We haven’t seen Takers, but it is a Chris Brown film so presumably it’s about a bank robber who dresses up in stupid bowties and punches women in the mouth a lot. That would certainly make sense) $11,450,000
1 – Machete (So Machete started off as a joke trailer, and then it got turned into a real film. With that in mind, we can’t wait for the feature-length theatrical debut of the Mary Poppins horror film) $11,300,000
4 – The Last Exorcism (Foolish Eli Roth. No matter how successful it is, you can’t ever make a sequel to a film called The Last Exorcism. Quickly, change the title to Possibly But Probably Not The Last Exorcism At All Really, Eli, while you still have the chance) $7,645,000
5 – Going The Distance (A film that Drew Barrymore made with a man who she used to be romantically involved with but isn’t any more, just like Freddy Got Fingered. Although, that said, nobody swings a baby around their head by its umbilical cord in Going The Distance. Whether this makes it a better or worse film is up to you) $6,885,000