This week, the weekend box office was all about Inception vs Salt. The reigning champion vs the plucky underdog.
Leonardo DiCaprio vs Angelina Jolie. A film about the impossibly labyrinthine tangle that is the human subconscious vs a film about, dunno, some salt or something. A film filled with groundbreaking special effects and breathtaking narrative devices vs the same stupid generic guns-out film that Angelina Jolie always makes right after she’s made a sad film about a woman crying over her lost baby or whatever. Who would win?
Well, Inception, obviously. Don’t you people read headlines any more? Honestly, sometimes we think we’re just pissing up a wall here, we really do. Full US weekend box office top five after the jump…
1 – Inception (It’s official: Inception is easily the best film ever about that boy from Third Rock From The Sun tying up a bunch of floating people in a lift while a van falls off a bridge really slowly and Edith Piaf runs around trying to stab everyone) $43,505,000
2 – Salt (Seriously, though, why Salt? Why not Spygirl or Mystery Avenger or Generic Angelina Jolie Gun Vehicle Number 12? Imagine if James Bond films were named after table condiments. Dr No would probably be called Mr Piccalilli. It’s stupid, that’s what it is) $36,500,000
3 – Despicable Me (Fingers crossed that people stop watching Despicable Me now, because we’ve completely run out of things to say about it. No joke here. We actually have) $24,000,000
4 – The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (We’ll assume that there’s been some logistical problem here, and that The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is actually number one here. This is because it’s a Nicolas Cage film and we couldn’t bear the thought of a Nicolas Cage film being a failure. So The Sorcerer’s Apprentice has done better than Inception. That makes sense) $9,685,000
5 – Toy Story 3 (We can’t wait for Toy Story 4, where the toys are forced to survive the aftermath of a harrowing nuclear strike, and become hopelessly deformed, and have deformed babies, and have to chew through their own distorted umbilical cords when they have them) $9,030,000
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