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Television

The Simpsons Supposedly Offer A 500th Anniversary Episode That Isn’t Terrible

by Matthew Laidlow

Visit a branch of Weatherspooons on a weekend and you’ll no doubt bump into a decaying mess on the dance floor that’s tried to cover their appearance by plastering on the makeup. Everybody loves to witness a female attempt to look young as they prance around in their daughter’s top that shows off every ravage of age.

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Dancing On Ice Review: ITV Breaks Everyone’s Hearts

by Jacki Evans

This week on Dancing on Ice, the producers and judges got sick of pretending to be nice. Week after week, they have to try and find nice things to say about a bunch of useless celebs, and cover their hatred with comments about how they need “more speed over the ice.”

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Something For The Weekend Moves To Channel 4, Words Almost Fail Us

by Robin Darke

Remember when Something For The Weekend was cancelled and there was a national celebration that, finally, Tim Lovejoy was taking his generally misogynistic squabblings and going the way of the dinosaur, or Linda Robson?

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GhostWatch: 20 Years Of Terror

by Robin Darke

You would never think that a house in the suburbs of North London could provide so much unintentional terror, but from the very outset, BBC One’s GhostWatch provided more understated horror and genuine scares than million dollar directors have by rebooting the same old tired formats and cliched characters.

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Dancing on Ice Review: Everything Happens at Once

by Jacki Evans

Honestly. Reality shows. You can spend weeks and weeks suffering through manipulated drama and hoping for something exciting to happen, and then everything happens at once. And on Valentine’s Week, of all the weeks.

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Dancing On Ice Review: Katarina Disagrees

by Jacki Evans

Another week, another loosely adhered to theme for Dancing on Ice. This week the theme was “Pop”, although really it should’ve been “Katarina Disagrees”. But that wouldn’t have fitted in so well with One Direction’s appearance, so pop it was.

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Julian Assange To Appear In The Simpsons, Despite All That Sex Crime Business

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! You know Julian Assange? What do you mean you don’t know who he is? He’s the man who leaks things. Allegedly, he leaks things all over people against their will (which he denies, natch). He also likes leaking documents which really gets up the nose of the world’s governments. Sounds like a thrilling bloke, [...]

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WATCH THIS! TV Picks For The Weekend Bozo

by Robin Darke

Ka-loo ka-lay everyone! It’s almost the end of the week, and just like Lenny Henry tells us on those awful hotel adverts, it’s almost time for the weekend. And what’s a weekend all about? Going out, getting trashed and generally being like those pesky kids from Skins, sitting around in your pants as much as [...]

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TV Review: Noel Fielding’s Luxury Comedy, E4

by Robin Darke

And-roid Warhol. A psychedelic treehouse. A tank made of cheese. If there were any words we could employ to try and sway you into watching Noel Fielding’s newest “offering”, it would be these. They show us many, many things. That Noel Fielding is sticking to his tried and tested roots of clashing the realistic with [...]

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Simon Cowell Wants Cheryl Cole And Tries To Reinvent The Scratch DJ

by Mof Gimmers

Simon Cowell has made stars of boybands, Chico, Susan Boyle and a variety of completely forgettable singers like Steve Brookstein, Leon Thingy and DooDah Sneddon. Possibly. We’re get all those talent shows confused these days. So what’s his next move? Well, apart from publicly wooing Cheryl Cole again (presumably Kelly Rowland can’t be bothered saying [...]

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