So last night E! blessed us with the thirteenth season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Funny enough, thirteen is actually the number of nose jobs that have occurred on the cast members since it’s premiere! Talk about coming full circle!
Last night, I watched the Kardashians like I always do: alone in bed, drinking white wine. I found the premiere episode mega riveting and totally blog worthy, but was too lazy to get my computer, so instead wrote out a blog in the Notes section on my phone.
So, presenting, Krysta’s moderately drunk review of the season 13 premiere of Keeping Up With the Kardashians (in point form with the spelling somewhat corrected):
- Other than Kourtney, everyone’s face looks like it physically hurts. Like the noses are too small and the skin is too tight. Larsa Pippen, Jonathan Cheban, Kim Kardashian, Kylie in the previews, wyd? Can you guys breathe through those noses? I’m imagining a very narrow passage is left for breathing.
- Like wtf Archie Andrews? Why are you the least enjoyable part of Riverdale? It was kind of interesting when you were banging your teacher, but now you just kind of make out with young Tracee Ellis Ross after singing shitty slow songs about feelings. Like, nah. Skeet Ulrich is still looking fine, tho (I had watched Riverdale prior to the Kardashians and it was clearly still on my mind…)
- The highlighter on Khloe’s nose during the testimonials is hilarious. I think I’m going blind just looking at it. That is not a good look, girl. She looks like she let my drunk ass do her contouring and all I did was drag a glitter glue stick down her damn nose and was like ‘Looks good, fam’, and she believed me!
- OF COURSE they showed Kanye rapping the line from ‘Famous’ about Taylor Swift and Kim rapping along. Of cooouuuurrrrrrsssssseeeeee.
- Ok, so here’s the preview for next week. Mmmhmmm, Kim’s robbery. Um, so you know what’s CRAZY? Kim’s godfather, and her family’s initial claim to fame, OJ Simpson, was acquitted of murder on my 10th birthday, October 3rd, 1996. KIM got robbed in Paris on my 30th birthday, October 3rd, 2016. Coincidence? I think not.
- Anyone else been watching Big Little Lies? I’m loving that shit.
Tune in next Monday to find out what drunk Krysta thinks about the latest KUWTK…and probably whatever other shows I’ve watched that weekend.