Posts tagged as:

Susan Boyle

Susan Boyle Set To Bother You On X Factor

by Matthew Laidlow

We dreamed a dream once. It involved us being dipped in Belgian chocolate and then being placed in the middle of a field full of cows and sheep. Don’t ask us what happened next, but suffice to say we don’t see those animals in the same way we once did. They’re not as cuddly and [...]

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Susan Boyle Ordered To Ditch Her Rubbishy Concerts

by Stuart Heritage

Do you have tickets for the Britain’s Got Talent tour? You do? Then that means you’re definitely one of the following.

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David Carradine: Murder Or Masturbation?

by Paul Gibson

Masturbation, quite clearly. But that hasn’t stopped his family from putting forward the theory that he was killed. By a Kung Fu gang. Think of the most embarrassing moment of your life. Think of it, relive it, be there right now. Bad, huh? Now fast forward a bit and imagine your 72-year old body being [...]

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Susan Boyle Wants To Take Over The World Now She’s Not Mental

by Matthew Laidlow

You know Susan Boyle, she’s the frumpy women who looks like a diner lady and bored the tits off everyone during Britain’s Got Talent. Like everyone, we assumed that she would crumble and fizzle on stage due to Simon Cowell’s stare that basically means “you are rubbish and I can’t exploit you for money”. Despite [...]

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Susan Boyle Leaves Clinic: Let The Harrowing Spectacle Continue!

by Stuart Heritage

So, Susan Boyle, then. Is it television’s fault that she ended up in a clinic? The public’s fault? The media’s?

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Susan Boyle In The Priory: Britain’s Got An Invariably Bleak Ending

by Stuart Heritage

Let this be a lesson about the dangers of fame. Or the dangers of Simon Cowell. Or the dangers of singing showtunes with a monobrow.

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Britain’s Got Talent Final: Diversity Win! Kill Us Now! We Mean It!

by Paul Gibson

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. The paparazzi were waiting outside ITV with their wide-angle lenses attached, the party in Blackburn’s village hall was ready to go (crisps, pop and some raw horse meat for Susan Boyle to tear into), and a lady who lives with 30 cats in Wisconsin had pre-written a Wikipedia [...]

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Britain’s Got Talent: Mid-Semis Roundup And Sweary Susan Boyle

by Paul Gibson

We’re halfway up the Everest of semi-finals week, and ITV have kindly given us a little sniff from a tank of oxygen, in the form of a day with no show. Caution: metaphor-stretching ahead. Since setting off from auditions basecamp, it’s been a steady slog up the north face of Britain’s Got Talent. The air’s [...]

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Lily Allen Doesn’t Like Susan Boyle Very Much! BURN HER!

by Stuart Heritage

Things aren’t always black and white, you know. There’s not always one goodie and one baddie in every fight.

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Britain’s Got Talent Pt 2: Through At Last, Through At Last, Susan Boyle Is Through At Last

by Paul Gibson

In many ways, Susan Boyle’s journey on Britain’s Got Talent is much like the history of America’s Civil Rights Movement. Both have shown that it is wrong to judge people based on appearance. Both have proven that the oppressed can, through strength of spirit and unshakable belief in what is right, break down barriers and [...]

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