You know Susan Boyle, she’s the frumpy women who looks like a diner lady and bored the tits off everyone during Britain’s Got Talent.
Like everyone, we assumed that she would crumble and fizzle on stage due to Simon Cowell’s stare that basically means “you are rubbish and I can’t exploit you for money”.
Despite the show being stretched across an eight-week period, Susan Boyle kept on gaining the world’s attention. Famous people like Demi Moore and Barack Obama gave her support and YouTube nearly broke under the strain of people viewing her. However, she didn’t win and ended up going a bit mental. But it’s OK – she’s taken some happy medicine and everything is all merry again.
The only thing we can think of when a Scottish person tries to take over is during the film Braveheart. Mel Gibson did a crap job of playing old military fighter William Wallace who was a bit pissed off that the English killed his ladyfriend. If Susan Boyle was to replicate this and ride through city centres slaying non-believers and placing their heads on a pike, we’d have much more respect for her.
However, people are a bit more civil these days and a barbaric beheading is now replaced with a bottle of alcopops being smashed across someone’s face. The pressures of being transformed from an unknown middle-aged virgin into a world-renowned middle-aged virgin proved too much for poor Susan Boyle. During the build-up to the Britain’s Got Talent final, she got a bit angry. After being pestered by people, she said a few swearwords and ended up having a strop with the police. But did she get an ASBO? No!
After losing the final of the competition to Diversity, the Scottish wobbler seemed to take it fairly well. She even mustered a smile, but still flashed her thigh to the nation, therefore stuffing any hopes she had of being penetrated by the opposite sex. Even worse for her, she was taken to the nuthouse to be poked and prodded by various doctors. Something Susan probably thought was sex.
After everyone slagged off reality TV for causing the meltdown of Susan Boyle and making a small child cry on stage, the panic is over! Susan is OK! She has officially been classed as normal and will be unleashed on the public when the Britain’s Got Talent circus tours round the UK and eastern European petrol stations.
After being set loose in the real world again where she can hunt down a mate, Boyle said:
“I feel bloody fantastic. I want to take on the world. I’ve got my sleeves up ready. From now on there’s nae crap.”
Christ on a bike indeed! She really does mean business. Not only is she keeping her traditional Scottish roots and saying “nae” but she also said another swear word. It might not be the worst c word, but it’s a start for our Susan. We hear she’s going to jazz up musicals with all kinds of filthy language, all whilst smashing up her stage set up.
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
“not mental”……..there the one group that hasn’t stood up against discrimination yet. What if you said that about anyone else’s group? Not black, not jewish, this not that…..you would lose your job. Don’t insult people with labels.
This article is a piece of trash. Susan has millions of fans worldwide and millions in the US. She is a kind, funny, feisty woman who can “give as good as she gets” when the press stalks her and antagonizes her. I am so grateful for all the people placed around her to help her realize her dream. Her fans think she has a beautiful voice and can’t wait for her first CD. Shame on you for printing such tripe about this wonderful woman. Bet you couldn’t go from anonymity to international star in 7 weeks without cracking up a little yourself!
How nasty and narrow minded are the above comments – the success of Susan Boyle cheered up millions of viewers all over the world – especially in Britain where so many people are feeling the pinch of the recession.
Susan Boyle has a lovely disposition and I really like her face and persona – so do many other people who see further than lables placed upon her. Susan’s voice is wonderful and I believe she’ll continue to enjoy ever increasing fame as more and more people appreciate this lovely woman who loves animals and has survived many obstacles in her life. A true admirer, Chantelle Lan
Hecklerspray says what everyone is thinking anyway. Dude.
lol
Christ, can you stop saying ‘LOL’?
no, lol
This article is a load of crap. Get a better writer.
I’ve been wondering why people like to “kill joy” – like in this rather hostile sounding article. What does it mean about the writer? If everything is a projection, what he is projecting? What could I say to Matthew? I hope you feel better, Honey. There, there.
Gracie
Great article. Simon has given Susan a new apartment in London, a new wardrobe and makeover, transports her back and forth for visits with her cat, paid her very pricey hospital bill, pays a doctor to travel with her. Holy crap, if I got that much attention I’d be raring to go too. One little girl is going on the BGT tour too was heard saying she hopes Simon is nice to her too. BTW the Obama thing has never been confirmed or acknowledged by Washington DC. Another false rumour floating around. Her brother said in a TV interview in London that Susan doesnt have a learning disability. Her lack of social skills because she never had to learn how to get along with anyone is going to break her. The moral of the other BGT winners has been hurt because of all the attention Simon has been lavishing on Susan. Thats not going to make them want to get along with her any more than the first time around.
Susan haven’t done anything but sing from her heart and touch millions of lives. She has such a beautiful personality, charming and well mannered. Please stop all the negatives about this sweet lady. She has the talent and with God’s help and all the support of wonderful and kind people from all over the world she will succeed because now as the BGT judges say “sky is the limit for Susan Boyle.” For those few who are jealous out there, try doing something great yourselves!
Flipping the bird at people and using curse words wherever she goes is well mannered? There’s nothing attractive about a woman with a potty mouth even if she looked like a Playmate of the Month. There are lots of people who do great things but they dont need Simon to exploit them by saying they’re his greatest discovery. Doing great things isnt all about how much money you make. Does Susan go to nursing homes and sing for the elderly? Does she go to orphanages and sing for the homeless children? Does she go to shelters and sing for the homeless? I dont idolize people seeking fame and fortune. Susan is having a grand old time right now living off Simon but …. can she sing a straight tune while she floating on happy pills?
Stupid, crass, boring article. This writer must be socially defective to want to target Susan Boyle and everyone who was so deeply warmed by her singing and story.
And also, Susan did not ‘use curse words wherever she goes.’ Why are people so rude and making up stories? Susan was suddenly constantly in the limelight, and under a lot of pressure that she was not used to. I have almost never sworn in my life, but I am sure that if was in this situation and being hassled by journalists just so they could get a reaction from me, I would end up swearing at them. I also think if you live on your own with a pet, it is NORMAL to miss it in such circumstances. So, she acted very normally and did not do anything that anyone else would not have done. So can people stop the nasty and dishonest criticisms and just enjoy her success and wish her well.
After having watched the first edition of Susan Boyle, how can anyone be negative. The audience was cynical, as were the judges.
And yet before her performance was over she had won everyone over with her talent and her voice. She has been called “frumpy” and “ugly”, neither of which describes her. No, she is no movie star but then neither was our very own (U.S.) Kate Smith. Did anyone call her frumpy or ugly. NO they simply enjoyed her voice and that is how it should be with Susan. God Bless and I wish her all the luck in the world. An old time saying my mother used to tell me: if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Perhaps that is a lesson “some” people should learn.
who is this creep !!!!!!!you sound sound like the lowest human alive. one day you will be living from paycheck to paycheck and we can all laugh at you —you certainly arent a writer people will not read this kind of trash for long !!!!!!!