Posts tagged as:

Prison

Reggae Star Vybz Kartel Escapes From Prison, Which Is Great!

by Mof Gimmers

Have you heard of Jamaican dancehall star Vybz Kartel? He’s our favourite. We love him the best. His music is the best we’ve ever heard. EVER. He’s a proper genius. Good looking too. Really handsome. There’s something of Mozart about the way he makes his music. His mind is sharper than Isaac Newton’s and he’s [...]

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Paris Hilton Flaunts Her Vast Wealth In Bali Orphanage

by Mof Gimmers

It’s always nice when a grotesquely wealthy person goes to visit poor people. It gives them an ideal opportunity to perfect their worried, moved facial expressions. We’ve seen it with Angelina Jolie as she globetrots to the scrubbers. And now, Paris Hilton is taking time out of her busy holidaying schedule to go and cry [...]

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Pete Doherty Is Being Haunted By The Ghost Of Amy Winehouse (Who Is Slagging His Music Off Too)

by Mof Gimmers

Repulsive pus hammock, Pete Doherty, has stopped injecting scabs into his arms just long enough to decide that he’s being haunted by the recently deceased Amy Winehouse. No. Honestly. That’s what he’s saying. The former Libertine and Babyshambler was, of course, friends with Winehouse when she was alive. They probably shared a needle or ten [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Sex Toys Anyone? The ‘LiLdo?’

by Mof Gimmers

When you need money, you need money, right? We’ve all, at some point, turned our mothers in to become prostitutes when we’ve needed money to buy rolling tobacco and cans of Spesh. However, when you’re a celebrity, you simply turn yourself in. How wonderful that must be. And Lindsay Lohan, fresh off the back of [...]

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You Won’t Notice Lindsay Lohan’s Crack Teeth When She’s Got Her Baps Out In Playboy

by Mof Gimmers

Boob enthusiasts may want to take note of this article. Y’see, Lindsay Lohan appears to be getting her freckled bangers out in the fresh air while someone photographs them, so we can use them for our own nefarious purposes. That’s right. Provided she doesn’t end up someone’s prison bitch any time soon, LiLo is doing [...]

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Lindsay Lohan: Corpse Sniffer

by Mof Gimmers

Lindsay Lohan has, once again, been troubling the media outlets with her presence again. Basically, she’s not being fulfilling her court-order and dodging her community service. At the same time, she’s been spotted with little stumpy teeth. That’s right. All her pegs are falling out of her mouth and it’s kinda funny. Even funnier is [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Facing Now Crushingly Inevitable Legal Trouble From Rehab

by Mof Gimmers

Lindsay Lohan may want to walk away from trouble, but the fact is, trouble isn’t prepared to let her go. Trouble, in this instance, is like a jealous ex who won’t let her get on with her life because he knows that LiLo is super fun when she’s evading the law and falling flat on [...]

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Ask Paris Hilton If She’s Past It And She’ll Strop Off And Then Show You A Kennel Posher Than Your House

by Mof Gimmers

Paris Hilton is a woman who is, of yet, still to reveal her talents to us, despite being fantastically famous. Sure, she’s had a couple of television shows and a record out… but so has Handy Andy from Changing Rooms. Doggedly, she remains. She is now famous simply by the virtue of willing it. She [...]

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R Kelly Has Emergency Throat Surgery (His Mind’s Telling Him No, But His Tonsils, His Tonsils’ Telling Him Yeaaah)

by Mof Gimmers

If only R Kelly had a bunch of events in his life that we could hang some jokes on. We’ve been wracking our brains here and can’t really think of anything that he’s done which we can mock, apart from some of his desperately awful records, that In The Closet lark and the fact it [...]

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Pete Doherty Facing 5 Years In Prison Which Will Put An End To His Dreary Music With Any Luck

by Mof Gimmers

Syphilitic, limescale covered piss-rocker, Pete Doherty, has done us all a gigantic favour by getting in trouble which could see him getting five years in prison. Half a decade without his plodding, poetry-for-beginners, self-serving, bloated, pus-leaking indie dirge! Just imagine! See, this gasping berk who is the single biggest case for legalising Assisted Suicide (or [...]

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