Everybody knows that, if you want to really, really, really convey gravitas, pink pen is the way to do it. Suicide note? Pink pen. Will? Pink pen. Dear John letter? Pink pen. First draft of Mein Kampf? Pink pen, preferably glittery.
And so, it has been discovered that Lindsay Lohan’s journal is written in the pinkest of pens. That’s because she’s a girl and all girls always write in pink pen, in their pink diaries, in their pink Hello Kitty bedrooms.
So what’s this about gravitas? Well, if you want the world to hear about your love affair with Heath Ledger and his subsequent death? Pink pen.
See, LiLo isn’t all (the following are alleged for the sake of spying lawmen) stealing jewels, punching people in rehabs, lesbian trysts, class A drugs, falling down drunk, ankle tags, sex toy ranges and getting your boobies out for Hugh Hefner.
Hell no. Lindsay is a real person, with real feelings and a pink biro.
In a joint investigation, Star and RadarOnline have told the world that Lohan uses a pink pen to write in her diary. Of course, the words she’s written in pink aren’t always fluffy and cute.
In a copy of LiLo’s 2008 journal which they’ve somehow obtained, the freckled thesp expresses deep romantico-sexual feelings for Heath Ledger. Her soul was all entwined like mating slugs hanging from a branch by their sexy mucus.
In the journal, LiLopalooza wrote:
“Today Heath died”
“I’m in love with him. . . . He was the love of my life. He taught me so much, and he was everything I’ve ever wanted.”
“I want to hear him laugh and hold me. I crave his touch and care.”
Grieving widow, Michelle Williams, must be absolutely thrilled at this news. Next week, we explore why Hollywood is so bloody incestuous.
Diane says
I don’t believe it for a minute. There is not a single reputable person who has ever said that Heath was involved with Lohan. Strange how nearly 4 years since his death this “suddenly” is discovered. I could write it in my own journal, that doesn’t make it real. The Lohan’s once again desperate plea for relevancy. RIP Heath. Never to be forgotten. Disgusting to drag a dead man and his family thru this trash that are the Lohans.