Rap troll, Lil Wayne is going to release his prison diaries, just in time for next Christmas. That’ll be a nice present for your nana won’t it? In it, he’ll probably talk to God a lot while simultaneously glamorising his pretend ‘thug’ lifestyle.
But will he be mentioning the poundings he took around the anus while in the prison showers? We do hope so, because that would be refreshingly charming!
The book will be titled ‘Gone Till November’ and will be based around the diaries he kept while in the clink. This puts Wayne in the same company as Nelson Mandela and… uh… Jeffrey Archer.
Little Wayney Wayne spent eight months on Rikers Island on gun charges. Basically, he thought he’d do something original and be a rapper with a gun. Seriously. What a git. Cops just love pulling over black people and searching them for weed or firearms – you’d think they’d be a little more wary, right?
Ben Greenberg, of Grand Central publish (who, duh, are putting the book out), said:
?We are thrilled to be publishing Wayne?s prison memoir. He kept detailed journals of his inner and outer life while he was on Rikers Island, and they certainly tell a story. They are revealing.?
Revealing how? Like his lyrics? Such as…
“I admire your poppin’ bottles and pimpin’ just as much as you admire bartending and strippin’.”
and
“I said he’s so sweet, make her wanna lick the wrapper – so I let her lick the rapper.”
This book is going to be amazing, obviously. Up there with Chaucer and Bridget Jones’ Diary. Of course, he’s going to be detailing all his thoughts and feelings, but if that’s the case, this should be more of a pamphlet than a book.
Still, it’ll give numskulls something to read away from Sports Illustrated and FHM when they’re on the pan.
C says
Artist: Lil Wayne
Album: LilWeezyAna
Song: Amen
Typed by: [email protected] *
* send corrections to the typist
[Intro]
Raj Smooth, the greatest DJ in the world
Yes! We about to say a prayer for all our loved ones
(I’m a call this one real rap)
Anybody you lost put them on yo heart
cause this rap is real, light it up for ’em
Ya Know
I hope you ain’t to tired to cry
And I hope you know you ain’t never to live to die
[Lil Wayne]
Listen
I grew up where them people call them people on us
Think we slangin but we just got beepers on us
Grinding all day like we got sleep insomnia
Living like the videos write a treatment on us
Stuck in the hood like they poured cement on us
Ghetto bird still shitin on us
Government still quitting on us
Lost a few homies and the grief’s still sitting on us
So we got they names written on us
White folks still spitting on us
And them bitch ass police k9’s teeth still gritting on us
But we smoke ashes still getting on us
Older bitches still hitting on us
I remember well
BZ rolled a L, BZ ain’t here
Where’s BZ at? BZ got killed
And that was my nigga
I go way back with my nigga
But I know that’s how it happened my nigga
Shit is much deeper then this rapping, My nigga
But know they all rappin, My niggas
So now I must make it happen
So I’m a play the captain
Sail boat flapping
My nigga
No fingers I’m snapping
Happy for my nigga lil Tagus
Cause even though we couldnt
The lord saved him
Last time we seen him was when Katrina hated
Shhh found his body like a month later
Rest in peace boy
He was a east boy
And so was Wessy West
He was a good nigga so I know he bless
And his daughter is a princess
This shit is harder than a bench press
But let me keep going
But I swear I got a lump in my throat
But I’m a keep on pumping the flow
So if I cry don’t stop the beat
I feel like my heart just stopped the beat
My nigga lil Derek was quick to cop a key
Either that or load the gat and go pop a G
And because of that
He’s just a name in a rhyme of mine
I pray his family in his momma’s fine
So much shit, just sit on this mind to mine
I think about it all the time
I drink about it all the time
I smoke back to back
Cause if my thoughts got to me I’d be in this rap
Or I’ll be in a can
Thank god I had dreams of being a man
Yeah
And fuck a man with a badge
Cause he ain’t shit to a man on the edge
The 5-0 killed Naudy, the good boy dead
Man you would’ve thought they killed cornbread
Shot him up face down on the lawn
Not to mention wit his handcuffs on
Not to mention they had plain clothes on
And the complaint goes on
But nobody do nothing about it
The jail house and the morgue is to fucking crowded
And hate is at an all time high
Everybody gotta hater like a fucking ipod
Shit and they tried to burn my Phantom up
But I got my gun licenses
I got my hammers up
I’m ready to shoot like a ca-me-ra
Stay still motherfucker
I’m a have to write my will this summer
Cause if they don’t kill me
I’m a kill this summer
Yea
And you can put that on my late father
Or my late grandmother, Miss Mercedes Carter
Or my grandfather Larry Balsock
The old man hustled till his heart stopped
And I know that my real pops had money
No bank account that brown paper bag money
Yea he might hit me off with a little brag money
But that nigga still wouldn’t be a dad for me
But look how I turned out I hope he glad for me
But that’s why when I see him I acts mad funny
Cause he a joke to me
Don’t message, don’t call
Don’t talk to me
It’s just me and my momma
How it suppose to be
And I make sure she paid like she wrote for me
And I know she gets all hope from me
And I don’t never wanna see her mope for me
Hopefully!
But Truthfully
There is a day that’s due for me
But we gone pray that it’s as far as the future sees
You are listening to the future Weezy F. Baby. Amen
Cookie Monster says
Exactly?
LeFart says
I prefer his earlier work myself
This is from 93’……….
“Alphabutt”
A is for apple
B is for butt
C is for cat butt
D for doo doo
E is for elephant doo doo
F is for fart
G is for gorilla fart
H is for huge gorilla fart
I is for I-ball (eyeball)
J is for jammies
K is for kid fart
L is for lotta loud farts
M is for monkey butt
N is for saying night-night to me go at naptime
O is for oh
P is for panda peeing and pooping in her potty while papa plays peek-a-boo
Q is for Q-Bert
R is for robotic monkey who’s gonna take over the world
S is for stinky
T is for turd
U is uh-oh
V is for flying vee
W is for wee-wee
X is for X-zuckamundoe
Y is for yucky and yummy and you
And Z is for farts that smell like the zoo
Even back then you could see the budding lyrical genius, but what followed was considered a masterpeice of rap history…….
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she’s very plain
But that’s just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I’m milkin’ cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows… fool
And I’ve been milkin’ and plowin’ so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I’m a man of the land, I’m into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1699
We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I’ve churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It’s hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise
A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek
I really don’t care, in fact I wish him well
‘Cause I’ll be laughing my head off when he’s burning in hell
But I ain’t never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a ‘tude? You know that’s unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree, I really look good in black…fool
If you come to visit, you’ll be bored to tears
We haven’t even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain’t really quaint, so please don’t point and stare
We’re just technologically impaired
There’s no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
It’s as primitive as can be
We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We’re just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There’s no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don’t fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish paradise
Hitchin’ up the buggy, churnin’ lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I’ll raise another
Think you’re really righteous? Think you’re pure in heart?
Well, I know I’m a million times as humble as thou art
I’m the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin’ points for the afterlife
So don’t be vain and don’t be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie
We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We’re all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise
There’s no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you’d probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise
These were his finest days, sadly though he We’n n gots all gangsta rappa on our ass………..now he just sounds the same as all the other wappers !!