Articles tagged with: PETA
After China had an earthquake Sharon Stone ran about yelling things like "let's eat the surviving children," and "finally, I can wear underpants again! A seriously devastating Asian earthquake is all I've been waiting for! I'm not kidding! A gypsy once told me to leave it open down there until something like this happened! This is especially nice as it's been chilly lately!" Now keep in mind that quote is with many creative liberties on our part. Nonetheless - Stone rocked the Asian world with some comment that was so dull we've long since forgotten what it was. But PETA hasn't. No - PETA is still livid. Livid enough to fire off a letter to Stone several months after the fact offering to give her a free brain scan to see if that's why she's so indifferent to human life and....(wait for it)... the suffering of animals.
If there is one thing Hecklerspray hates, it's anything that lives underwater. Seriously, if God meant for those things to survive he would have given them lungs.
If there is another thing Hecklerspray hates, it's when celebrities wear T-shirts that look like they were made in a 7th grade home-ec class but with not one single fart joke on them. That's just such a waste.
Jessica Simpson though - she doesn't care what we think. Also she doesn't care what PETA thinks, what vegetarians in general think, or what Bruce Willis was thinking when he agreed to make that fourth Die Hard.
She might care what Pamela Anderson thinks though. Because Pamela Anderson thinks Simpson is "a bitch and whore."
Unquote.
If you are a celebrity, and everything seems to be in the right place for you career-wise, the last thing you want is for PETA to come screeching in like a thousand angry bikers and start smashing things up. That's because in tinseltown PETA could absolutely ruin you with their opinions, their powerful organization and possibly by them printing a pamphlet about how you are the only meat any of them would ever eat - ever! Seriously though, if there's even a hint that you could die at the hands of self-righteous cannibals, big-name directors and producers won't even touch you. This is all horrible news for Jessica Simpson, who recently landed on PETA's poo-list for a t-shirt she opted to wear one day. Now her career is in shambles because of it, and she rues the day she found that pullover at Ted Nugent's family yard-sale. That or she doesn't care at all. Which 'click for more' closing-sentence would be more sensational?
We thought it was wholly, completely, explicitly, undoubtedly impossible for Britney Spears to make a comeback, but boy, oh boy, are we wrong.
No, really. Britney Spears has totally arrived because PETA has offered Britney Spears a job. They want Britney to come be a receptionist for them. After all she did do a rather bang-up playing a receptionist on that random sitcom that nobody ever watches recently.
Also in related career advancements, we’ve just learned that Toonces The Driving Cat has been asked to be the Hilary Clinton’s personal chauffeur. Story developing…
When hecklerspray thinks of PETA, we think of the time they rushed our house and 'rescued' a boa constrictor we were keeping in several shoe boxes we'd taped end-to-end-to-end until it passed our dear old grandmother.
Now when Aretha Franklin thinks of PETA, she has a different experience all together. 'Tax saviors' may be the term that first comes to her mind. That's because they've just promised to pay all her back house taxes on one condition... she must kill her only child! With a cheese grater! And meat spices!
Now that his divorce from Heather Mills is almost complete, Paul McCartney gets to be just another boring old cakey-faced pensioner who we can forget about again.
But wait! Paul McCartney isn't going down without a fight. Although his personal life has stopped being exciting and his best professional work is light years behind him, Paul McCartney still has one constant to endlessly bang on about.
His vegetarianism. Which is why it's no surprise that Paul McCartney has just done a PETA advert explaining why he doesn't eat meat. At least it's not one of those adverts where he poses naked to protest animal cruelty, though - one glimpse of Paul McCartney's saggy buttocks and we'd have torn through a zoo popping everything in the face with the back of a shovel just to quell the nausea.
How does PETA do it? It's seen more A grade celebrity chuff than Jack Nicholson, Warren Beatty and John Leslie combined.
The latest to join PETA’s hareem is X Factor’s second-freshest regurgitation Leona Lewis, who is going to take off all her clothes, including her bra and pants - thus rendering her naked - and pose for a photograph in a classy way, like how a lady might, or in other words, pose for a photograph in a way that demands a bit too much magic-eye effort from the masturbator to be regarded as porn. According to The Sun, a source close to Leona said:
“She’s hugely proud to have been asked. She’s a strict vegetarian so it’s a cause close to her heart.”
Aretha Franklin can't help being badly dressed - when you swell up as large as she has, fashion is just a case of cutting a head-hole in the prettiest tarpaulin you can find.
And it gets worse, because animal rights warriors PETA have now declared Aretha Franklin to be the worst dressed celebrity of the year, thanks to all the fur she wears.
It's a fair title too, because Aretha Franklin is easily crueler to animals than any other celebrity. Look at it this way - if Eva Longoria wears a fur coat then maybe 40 animals died to make it. But when Aretha Franklin wants a fur coat, hunters have to kill and skin every single furry animal on the face of the planet - and shave off their own pubes - just to almost stretch over half of one of her gigantic wobbly upper arms.
