We’re better than that. So, anyway, yesterday – for reasons that we don’t have to emotional strength to research – Kim Kardashian held a cat by the scruff of its neck, took a picture of it and then posted it to Twitter. Which is exactly the sort of thing she tends to do, because it masks the fact that she’s a hopeless amateur porn star with a lack of any real ability and the conversational skills of a concussed Teddy Ruxpin who’s only allowed to be famous in the dim hope that one day she’ll take her clothes off again.
But the thing is, Kim Kardashian held the cat the wrong way. And now animal rights campaigners are after her. Jesus, Kim Kardashian, thanks a lot.
Kim Kardashian doesn’t exactly have the greatest track record when it comes to animal rights. There’s her well-documented love of fur, for example. And the fact that she’s kept those two hairy caterpillars imprisoned above her eyes for as long as we can remember. What? Those aren’t captive caterpillars? Those are Kim Kardashian’s eyebrows? Oh. Whoops.
But anyway, to add to her woes, Kim Kardashian has now posed on Twitter holding a cat in a slightly irresponsible way. No, not like. And not like that either, you pervert. Kim Kardashian actually held the cat by the scruff of its neck, accompanied by a phrase reading, with depressing inevitability…
“Pic from my shoot yesterday…good kitty cat!”
And, as everyone knows, the only way to annoy the internet quicker than telling it you didn’t much care for Avatar is to hold animals in slightly the wrong way. That’s why Kim Kardashian’s picture prompted an outcry of furious tweets in return, like:
@KimKardashian I would NEVER hold a cat like that! You have to support it from the bottom too.. Shame on you.
@KimKardashian i no this doesnt hurt the cat but it looks bad.. u knew exactly wot would happen which makes u an attention grabbing whore
and, of course:
@KimKardashian You are a gross porn reality star, ugh. The fact u mishandled a cat makes me hate you more.
And PETA got involved too, obviously, with a spokesman telling the media:
“Kim Kardashian isn’t the only person who mistakenly thinks that because a mother cat picks up her kittens by the scruff of the neck that a supportive hand under the rump isn’t needed. But I’ll bet plenty of fans have let her know – nicely, we hope!”
That said, we really feel as if we should come to Kim Kardashian’s defence here. There are three reasons for this:
1 – Kim Kardashian states that the photograph was supervised by a vet, who said that the cat wasn’t in any danger.
2 – This was the least cruel photo of the entire shoot – rumour has it that, following the cat picture, Kim Kardashian then kicked a pony square in the knackers and pitched a weasel through a fifth-storey plate glass window.
3 – Every second that Kim Kardashian dicks around with animals is a second where she’s not making horrible internet sex tapes of herself. This, readers, is progress.