Kim Kardashian Holds A Cat The Wrong Way, The Massive Bitch

Look, this might be a story about Kim Kardashian and a cat, but we’re going to do our best to avoid any pussy jokes.

We’re better than that. So, anyway, yesterday – for reasons that we don’t have to emotional strength to research – Kim Kardashian held a cat by the scruff of its neck, took a picture of it and then posted it to Twitter. Which is exactly the sort of thing she tends to do, because it masks the fact that she’s a hopeless amateur porn star with a lack of any real ability and the conversational skills of a concussed Teddy Ruxpin who’s only allowed to be famous in the dim hope that one day she’ll take her clothes off again.

But the thing is, Kim Kardashian held the cat the wrong way. And now animal rights campaigners are after her. Jesus, Kim Kardashian, thanks a lot.

Kim Kardashian doesn’t exactly have the greatest track record when it comes to animal rights. There’s her well-documented love of fur, for example. And the fact that she’s kept those two hairy caterpillars imprisoned above her eyes for as long as we can remember. What? Those aren’t captive caterpillars? Those are Kim Kardashian’s eyebrows? Oh. Whoops.

But anyway, to add to her woes, Kim Kardashian has now posed on Twitter holding a cat in a slightly irresponsible way. No, not like. And not like that either, you pervert. Kim Kardashian actually held the cat by the scruff of its neck, accompanied by a phrase reading, with depressing inevitability…

“Pic from my shoot yesterday…good kitty cat!”

And, as everyone knows, the only way to annoy the internet quicker than telling it you didn’t much care for Avatar is to hold animals in slightly the wrong way. That’s why Kim Kardashian’s picture prompted an outcry of furious tweets in return, like:

@KimKardashian I would NEVER hold a cat like that! You have to support it from the bottom too.. Shame on you.


@KimKardashian i no this doesnt hurt the cat but it looks bad.. u knew exactly wot would happen which makes u an attention grabbing whore

and, of course:

@KimKardashian You are a gross porn reality star, ugh. The fact u mishandled a cat makes me hate you more.

And PETA got involved too, obviously, with a spokesman telling the media:

“Kim Kardashian isn’t the only person who mistakenly thinks that because a mother cat picks up her kittens by the scruff of the neck that a supportive hand under the rump isn’t needed. But I’ll bet plenty of fans have let her know – nicely, we hope!”

That said, we really feel as if we should come to Kim Kardashian’s defence here. There are three reasons for this:

1 – Kim Kardashian states that the photograph was supervised by a vet, who said that the cat wasn’t in any danger.

2 – This was the least cruel photo of the entire shoot – rumour has it that, following the cat picture, Kim Kardashian then kicked a pony square in the knackers and pitched a weasel through a fifth-storey plate glass window.

3 – Every second that Kim Kardashian dicks around with animals is a second where she’s not making horrible internet sex tapes of herself. This, readers, is progress.


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  1. Thirteen says

    poor cat.. I love cats and this is definitely NOT the way holding them, as it was explained. Of course, it is not dangerous, but still it is painful if the weight is not supported (and this is no small kitten, animals know how to handle their small ones, and such way of holding them is not suitable for grown-up cats if the weight is not supported). Cat in the pic is definitely tense and stressed.

  2. kiki says

    I am sorry,but the way this picture looks,it is as though she is some kind of dominitrix!!! she is such an idiot and I hate her more everyday

  3. celene068 says

    Stuart, that was funny stuff. Good start to my morning. I just feel bad for that poor pony.

  4. Gris Gris Man says

    Someone should pick lil Stuart up by the scruff of his neck and then try some shaken child syndrome moves on him. I accidentally stumbled to this little rant and had to comment and laugh, I think this guy has a naughty little boy crush on Kim and is confused by it since he lives an alternate lifestyle. Why the obsession for someone you profess to look down upon? Ohhhh, you are just following in the currently self promoting fad of being a nobody who disses on nobodies to make themselves seem like…better than nobodies? Poor lil puppy don’t worry about the kitty, don’t think I don’t like cats either…cooked properly they are quite tasty!

    Gris Gris Man, Voodoo MD

  5. Gris Gris Man says

    Please, send that lil kitty down to me in New Orleans and I’ll fatten it up…I love cats and chickens and pigs and alligators and fat juicy clueless tourists!

  6. Lady P says

    Can someone please make this dumb ass go far, far away. Hollyweird will embrace anyone and will do anything for ratings. She is a porn star and an attention whore.

  7. joe joe says

    In my experience, if a cat is not pleased with how you are treating it, it’s gonna let you know. My cats become even more affectionate after holding them like that, never seemed to bother them. My cats are not afraid to and have drawn blood from me, but never for doing that.

  8. MissClarity says

    Come on. Who is the real pussy. That’s what she sells and it’s called legal. So be it. What respectible man would dare take her home to meet his mother – not Reggie he wishes. She’s become another Paris Hilton. How embarrassing. But she needs to get the bucks while she can. But to sell your soul to do it is another thing. This man, that man, then that man, and of yeah, that man, and that man over there. Just another Hilton. ewwwwwwwwwwwwww