Posts tagged as:

PETA

PETA Loathes Jessica Simpson’s Meaty Diet & Meaty Wardrobe

by Shawn Lindseth

If you are a celebrity, and everything seems to be in the right place for you career-wise, the last thing you want is for PETA to come screeching in like a thousand angry bikers and start smashing things up. That’s because in tinseltown PETA could absolutely ruin you with their opinions, their powerful organization and [...]

8 comments Read more >>>

PETA Wants to Hire Britney Spears for Non-Gravely Disabled Work

by hecklerspray staff

We thought it was wholly, completely, explicitly, undoubtedly impossible for Britney Spears to make a comeback, but boy, oh boy, are we wrong.

No, really. Britney Spears has totally arrived because PETA has offered Britney Spears a job. They want Britney to come be a receptionist for them. After all she did do a rather bang-up playing a receptionist on that random sitcom that nobody ever watches recently.

Also in related career advancements, we’ve just learned that Toonces The Driving Cat has been asked to be the Hilary Clinton’s personal chauffeur. Story developing…

1 comment Read more >>>

PETA Offers To Pay Aretha Franklin’s Fat Old-Lady Taxes

by Shawn Lindseth

When hecklerspray thinks of PETA, we think of the time they rushed our house and ‘rescued’ a boa constrictor we were keeping in several shoe boxes we’d taped end-to-end-to-end until it passed our dear old grandmother.

Thanks for that PETA. We only hope you gave her poopy bones a decent burial. Also, we’re pretty sure she was holding one of our Wii controllers when the snake done ate her, so if you could sift through that stuff…

Now when Aretha Franklin thinks of PETA, she has a different experience all together. ‘Tax saviors’ may be the term that first comes to her mind. That’s because they’ve just promised to pay all her back house taxes on one condition… she must kill her only child! With a cheese grater! And meat spices!

0 comments Read more >>>

Paul McCartney: Why I’m A Feeble Vegetarian

by Stuart Heritage

Now that his divorce from Heather Mills is almost complete, Paul McCartney gets to be just another boring old cakey-faced pensioner who we can forget about again.

But wait! Paul McCartney isn’t going down without a fight. Although his personal life has stopped being exciting and his best professional work is light years behind him, Paul McCartney still has one constant to endlessly bang on about.

His vegetarianism. Which is why it’s no surprise that Paul McCartney has just done a PETA advert explaining why he doesn’t eat meat. At least it’s not one of those adverts where he poses naked to protest animal cruelty, though – one glimpse of Paul McCartney’s saggy buttocks and we’d have torn through a zoo popping everything in the face with the back of a shovel just to quell the nausea.

39 comments Read more >>>

Leona Lewis Gets Naked For Animal Joy

by Paul Sorrenti

How does PETA do it? It’s seen more A grade celebrity chuff than Jack Nicholson, Warren Beatty and John Leslie combined.

The latest to join PETA’s hareem is X Factor’s second-freshest regurgitation Leona Lewis, who is going to take off all her clothes, including her bra and pants – thus rendering her naked – and pose for a photograph in a classy way, like how a lady might, or in other words, pose for a photograph in a way that demands a bit too much magic-eye effort from the masturbator to be regarded as porn. According to The Sun, a source close to Leona said:

“She’s hugely proud to have been asked. She’s a strict vegetarian so it’s a cause close to her heart.”

4 comments Read more >>>

PETA: Aretha Franklin Dresses Like A Big Twonk

by Stuart Heritage

Aretha Franklin can’t help being badly dressed – when you swell up as large as she has, fashion is just a case of cutting a head-hole in the prettiest tarpaulin you can find.

And it gets worse, because animal rights warriors PETA have now declared Aretha Franklin to be the worst dressed celebrity of the year, thanks to all the fur she wears.

It’s a fair title too, because Aretha Franklin is easily crueler to animals than any other celebrity. Look at it this way – if Eva Longoria wears a fur coat then maybe 40 animals died to make it. But when Aretha Franklin wants a fur coat, hunters have to kill and skin every single furry animal on the face of the planet – and shave off their own pubes – just to almost stretch over half of one of her gigantic wobbly upper arms.

20 comments Read more >>>

PETA, Like, Totally Hates The Olsen Twins

by Stuart Heritage

You know Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, the young twins who you’ve barely ever thought about in your entire lives, especially recently?

Yeah, PETA bloody hates them. Although Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are just living the sort of life that people of their youth and wealth are expected to – riding around in carriages made of knitted saffron, employing small Taiwanese children to cling onto the soles of their feet and act like super-chic screaming shoes, eating spacedust through straws made of the spines of deceased international dignitaries, that sort of thing – PETA has singled the pair of them out for the full brunt of their abuse because they wear fur coats now and again. That’s right, PETA doesn’t call them Mary-Kate And Ashley Olsen any more – it calls them Hairy Kate and Trashley Trollsen.

And that’s fighting talk right there.

You know Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, the young twins who you've barely ever thought about in your entire lives, especially recently? Yeah, PETA bloody hates them. Although Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are just living the sort of life that people of their youth and wealth are expected to - riding around in carriages made of knitted saffron, employing small Taiwanese children to cling onto the soles of their feet and act like super-chic screaming shoes, eating spacedust through straws made of the spines of deceased international dignitaries, that sort of thing - PETA has singled the pair of them out for the full brunt of their abuse because they wear fur coats now and again. That's right, PETA doesn't call them Mary-Kate And Ashley Olsen any more - it calls them Hairy Kate and Trashley Trollsen. And that's fighting talk right there.
22 comments Read more >>>

Eva Mendes Gets Naked For The Animals

by Stuart Heritage

Eva Mendes doesn’t love animals as much as a normal person does, you know – Eva Mendes loves animals so much that she’s compelled to get her bum out for them quite a lot.

Animal rights group PETA has just revealed Ghost Rider star Eva Mendes as the latest face, spine and bare arse of its ‘I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur’ campaign, in an effort to show the world how foolish and disgusting people who do wear fur-based clothing are. So – on the basis that Eva Mendes will stop being naked when the inhumane fur trade realises how cruel and irresponsible it’s being – we’re going to outside, chop up a monkey with a pair of scissors and turn it into a nice pair of furry slacks.

2 comments Read more >>>

Next Entries →