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N-Dubz

The X Factor Final Review: The One Where No More X Factor Ever Ever Happened Ever Again For a Bit

by Sophie Hall

Hello. Do you remember when you watched The X Factor final yesterday? Well, by an astonishing coincidence, so did we. And crikey, wasn’t it just totally and definitely and absolutely unequivocally passable? Yeah. Take that, H8ERS. *Dermot tongue roll* ALRIIIIGHT. It was in two halves, like the bloody brilliant darling that it is. Is it [...]

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Little Mix Can Supposedly Change People’s Lives

by Matthew Laidlow

Tomorrow is the final of the X Factor. It’s the one episode of the series that most of the general public tune-in for, apart from the audition rounds when we can laugh at delusional, frog-eyed members of the public. Other talent shows may spend the maximum of sixty minutes announcing their winner, but X Factor [...]

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The X Factor Review; Week 16: Louis Walsh’s Wikipedia Search History, A Love Story

by Sophie Hall

We have two more weeks of The X Factor left, and then we can go and do something else in our brains. We know. It’s amazing. Amazing how it’s all gone so marrow-achingly slow isn’t it? Amazing how time can absolutely not shift for three months in the slightest sometimes. Amazing. A bit like how [...]

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X Factor Review Week 15: Angina in Your Hand

by Sophie Hall

Well, what another hotbed of mayhem and violation of societal norms it’s been on the X Factor this week. Whatever you do, don’t let us go on and on about it, kay? This week on The X Factor, the sound editors got in an extra crate of Aftershock (Spiced Berry black, obviously. They’re not squares) [...]

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Is Kelly Rowland Ditching UK X Factor For USA, Boo Boo?

by Mof Gimmers

This year, the UK version of the X Factor has gone through some serious changes. For starters, there’s no Simon Cowell with his rolling eyes and odd man-baps on the judging panel. Cheryl Cole vanished too, leaving us with Gary Barlow, Tulisa and Kelly Rowland to sit with the increasingly distressing Louis Walsh. Tulisa, who [...]

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X Factor Set To Ruin More Film Themes But Not If We Had Our Way

by Robin Darke

THIS WEEK! ITS TIME! TO SING! SONGS FROM MOVIES! And probably not do a very good job at them. It’s ‘Movie Week’ everybody. That’s song from films that have been released in the old cinema. Past year’s have had some truly terrifying performances, like Olly Murs waggling his penis to ‘Twist And Shout,’ Joe McElderry [...]

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Tulisa Doesn’t Like Kissing Girls, So Don’t Get Any Ideas You Lesbians

by Matthew Laidlow

If it wasn’t for this year’s limp X-Factor judging panel lineup, then nobody would have a chuffing clue who Tulisa was. The nation are still mourning the loss of everyone’s number one toilet attendant batterer, Cheryl Cole. She had been doing a fine job at crying at any opportunity, but times are always-a-changing. This year [...]

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X Factor Review Week 12: Review Disco Bullous Impetigo

by Sophie Hall

Have a nice time at the fireworks, did you? Ate a potato and wrote the F word with a sparkler, did we? Well – that’s quite enough satire for one day, guys. It’s a double elimination on the X Factor, and in a few weeks we’re going to have a professional musician on our hands, [...]

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X Factor Kitty Calls One Of The Risk Something Really Racist (‘Vote For Me’ Face)

by Mof Gimmers

The X Factor splits Britain into two camps. Those that despise it and those that don’t watch it. Those poor swine who don’t watch it can’t escape it. It’s everywhere, being rammed down your modem all the stinkin’ time. Anyway, here’s an article about the X Factor. AND IT CONTAINS RACISM! HURRAY! That’s right. The [...]

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X Factor Week 11 Review: The Khaki Horror Bitch Tableau

by Sophie Hall

Happy Halloween! Lots of love, The X Factor. And boy, what a massively inconvenient (or should we say SPOOKY) set of affairs the week offered up for Saturday Night’s show. These devastating (or should we say GHOULSOME!) happenings came in a threefold sequence throughout last week. 1. Kelly Rowland is for some reason angry and [...]

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