Posts tagged as:

Kristen Stewart

Bruno Mars To Ensure That Twilight Breaking Dawn Will Be Most Hateful Film Ever Made

by Mof Gimmers

What’s worse than faux-broody simpering glittercock vampires? Bruno Mars, that’s what. He’s far, far worse. He’s magnolia emulsion personified. He’s about four inches tall with three feet of hair and has answered the question nobody wanted answering: Who is the next Jack Johnson? And thanks to fate being more cruel than a clone army of [...]

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Robert Pattinson Won’t Be Making Our Ears Endure His Music, Mercifully

by Mof Gimmers

So-boring-that-the-concept-of-time-slows-around-his-tedious-frame Robert Pattinson, is a man loved by those who like to stare into the void. His hollow face exudes an air of nothingness, not seen since we got into a staring competition in a morgue. Such is Pattz baffling popularity, there’s people who hang on his every yawn. No matter what he does, there’ll [...]

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Twilight: Breaking Dawn Trailer Is Here! And It’s Really Rather Boring!

by Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are not merely boring people… they’re also pretty lousy actors too! And the new Twilight: Breaking Dawn trailer is here to showcase just that! Like a teenage drama group trying to perform some heaving bosomed period drama with all the subtlety of a condom jammed up your nostril, there’s a [...]

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Lily Collins Compliments Kristen Stewart In Snow White-Based Circle Jerk

by Michael Park

Films, eh? Who doesn’t love a good film? Earlier today, we told you about Warner Bros. plan to remake Point Break, making it everyone’s least anticipated film of 2014. However, films have started competing with each other which makes everything so much more exciting! Especially when the respective casts both hate one another. Luckily, the [...]

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Robert Pattinson Takes Kristen Stewart On Dull Tour Of Surrey

by Mof Gimmers

Look! LOOK! Look at the faces of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart! Stare at them. Try and force the image to stay in your mind. You can’t, can you? You’ve forgotten what they look like already, even though you’re still staring at them! Jesus H. Balls, these people are dull. They’re criminally dull. They’re so [...]

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Robert Pattinson Still Massively Dull While Giving A Guitar To A Tramp

by Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson. A man so boring that he can stare at a bag of peanuts and they’ll wither into Sun-Pat before his lifeless eyes. A man so criminally dull that air turns stagnant when he wakes up in the morning. And so, in a bid to show us that he has some personality, he’s gone [...]

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Twilight Fans! You Can Look Like A Corpse On Your Wedding Day, Just Like Kristen Stewart!

by Mof Gimmers

Oooh! Wedding dresses! They’re amazing aren’t they! The average woman will buy three in her lifetime, tying the knot with men who are wise enough to hire something and give it back without forking out all that hard-earned money (which of course, they’ll spend on their mistresses). And the wedding that real saps are aching [...]

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Robert Pattinson Deemed Too Boring To Play The Lifeless Corpse Of Jeff Buckley

by Mof Gimmers

Look. Look at Robert Pattinson. Jesus Christ. How boring can a human be? He’s so terminally dull that light often refuses to reflect off him, leaving him a walking shadow, slowly chewing sandwiches that contain nothing more than margarine and tedium. And so, it comes as little surprise that he hasn’t been chosen to rock [...]

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Robert Pattinson Hints At Kristen Stewart Relationship To Wake Everyone Up From Crippling Boredom

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Robert Pattinson? Apart from those of you who become aroused at the very sight of his perfectly square face, chances are, you barely recall him because he’s just so amazingly dull. So dull that no-one has ever heard the end of one of his sentences. Ever. The only thing of note is that everyone [...]

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Dripping With Gunk, Robert Pattinson Is Or Isn’t Going Behind Kristen Stewart’s Back With Caitlin Cronenberg

by Mof Gimmers

Its a good job that Robert Pattinson is good-looking. He wouldn’t be famous otherwise would he? Here, we have a young man with all the personality of a whisk and the acting prowess of a SCART lead. Yet, time and time again, he’s rumoured to be having it away with some pretty thing behind Kristen [...]

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