Posts tagged as:

Hollywood

Heather Locklear Gets 911′d To Hospital: Invariably Prescription Drug Related

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Heather Locklear? Everyone used to fancy her in the olden days didn’t they? She was the muse for many a 90s teen masturbation and, boy howdy, she was the archetypal neutron blonde. Alas, image is always temporary and as her vanity stood firm in the face of sliding features, she looked like she was [...]

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Wizened Old Hag, Madonna, Shares Secret Of ‘Youth’

by Mof Gimmers

Mumm-Ra of pop, Madonna, with her face like an elephant’s knee… with her forehead like Bob Hope’s elbow scrag… with a neck like a deflated basketball’s scrotum, has been asked about the secret of her youthful face. Yes, feel free to wipe the contents of your mouth off your computer monitor. So what keeps Madge’s [...]

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Did You Touch Corey Feldman? Goonie Prepares To Name & Shame Paedophiles Who ‘Abused’ Him

by Lady Robotnik

Eighties child-star Corey Feldman has revealed his plans to release a tell-all book naming and shaming two Hollywood pervs. The-famous-Corey-that-isn’t-dead made similar allegations last August that he was targeted by predatory men from age 14. However, rather than take these claims to the police, he seems to have walked passed the station, right to a [...]

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Taylor Swift To Pollute The Inevitably Awful Les Miserables Movie

by Mof Gimmers

Taylor Swift (the Hayseed Barbie) has apparently been offered the role of Eponine in Tom Hooper’s new ‘Les Miserables’ film, which is clearly terrible news for those chumps amongst you who like overwrought musicals. What’ll irritate the purists even more is that Swift has seemingly beaten off (no, not like that) actual actors including Lea [...]

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Ryan Gosling? Ryan Reynolds? What’s The Difference?

by Mof Gimmers

Hey perverts! Get ready to say “Oooh. I wouldn’t say that to him. I’d…” and then trail off into your own dirty thoughts. Okay? Let’s go shall we! Ryan Gosling is fed up with people confusing him for fellow actor Ryan Reynolds. Do you know the difference? Seems a lot of people don’t. Once you’ve [...]

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Scarlett Johansson Isn’t A Slob At Home: Also, More Press Inches Since Leaked Nudes

by Mof Gimmers

We’ve seen Scarlett Johansson’s boobs and bum after some clever-dick managed to breach her internet security and show the world her wares, or rather, the way she gives the people she’s boning and lob-on. And for the most part, jealous woman spat ‘Well, they weren’t THAT good’. But there’s more to Scarlett than all that. [...]

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Sean Penn Is A Massive Bitch And A Commie One At That

by Mof Gimmers

When Sean Penn’s not being pestered by Scarlett Johansson on the rebound, he’s being all philanthropic and all that jive. Of course, having a political persuasion means you’ll rub some people up the wrong way and they shout at you. Mercifully for Sean Penn, he’s a grade-a bitch. He has put-downs that could almost match [...]

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Angelina Jolie Will Cry If Kids Become Normal, Like Your Boring, Settled Children

by Joanna Bolouri

Wannabe Funeral Director and collector of used plasters Angelina Jolie,  has revealed that she dreads the day one of her 87 children asks to be excused from the family’s global travels, insisting she will break down in tears when it happens. It seems Jolie and husband Brad Pitt, pride themselves on their nomadic lifestyle, settling [...]

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Reese Witherspoon To Star In Satanic Murder Film Because She Loves Lucifer Or Something

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! The Devil seems okay doesn’t he? Sure, some of his followers are a bit mental and go around killing people in his name and indulge in strange practises while praising him… just like Roman Catholics without the whole ‘child buggering’ thing. Anyway, Reese Witherspoon has signed on to star in Devil’s Knot. That’s a [...]

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Scarlett Johansson’s Musician Boyfriend Must Have A Large Wang Because He’s Got Nothing Else Going For Him

by Mof Gimmers

Boobs. Now we’ve got that out of the way, let us look at the rest of Scarlett Johansson’s tawdry existence on this wretched, awful speck of dust we call Earth as it revolves its tired way around this cold, unyielding solar system of ours. Joy! Showbiz joy at that! Anyway, now ScarJo has stopped dry-humping [...]

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