Articles tagged with: Hollywood
We're still waiting for Hollywood to come up with an original idea. But living in the land of banality, we are forced to put up with the endless production line of sequels and remakes being churned out and violently forced down our throats. But lest we forget, there is another market that involves little in the way of creativity: that of the 'True Story'. So what is this next true life tale of heroics, adventure, overcoming the odds and inspiring generations to better themselves that the gibbons in Hollywood Towers have lined up?
Violence in movies – terrible, isn't it. No! We all like to see a good old-fashioned scrap once in a while. Don't even try to deny it. You may try and act like you abhor violence in movies, but deep down the sight of two people kicking the crap out of each other really gets you going. Well, hecklerspray understands. There's been many a time when we have pictured ourselves beating Sting to a bloody pulp. See kids, violence is fine as long as it's in your mind, not on the streets. Anyway, to celebrate the fact that we all love to see someone evil get a good hiding, we have come up with our 10 favourite fight scenes in films. And if you disagree, we'll come around your house…
Katie Price, who’s that? The short answer is the fake-tanned slapper who’s famous for getting her tits out.
However, there is another solution to the question. You see, Katie Price has two names. We’d like to point out that she’s not schizophrenic and doesn’t pick between Jordan and Kate Price depending on if its warm enough to strap on a bikini.
In the early days (aka - the nineties) when she had the body for it, Jordon would get her boobies out for men’s magazines across the land. But they weren’t just any set of knockers. They were mega melons! As big as your head and the weight of seven small puppies.
Then Jordan grew up. Married a dire popstar and wanted people to call her by her real name to be taken more seriously. This approach has landed her a film role. And no, it’s not porn related!
Shoplifting has always been a part of human culture, ever since Zog The Caveman got caught stealing mammoth tooth necklaces from the jewellery counter in Flinty McGinty's Wonderful World Of Weird Neanderthal Shit.
It was only with the 2002 trial of Winona Ryder, however, that shoplifting truly became a worldwide phenomenon.
Why? Because Ryder gave the genre that all-important celebrity endorsement, that's why. And - as we all know - if a celebrity does something, then it instantly becomes ten million billion times more fashionable and impressive. That's the reason for all those George Formby tribute bands coming together the nation over, now that the Arctic Monkeys have pioneered the movement.
For those of you unaware of dear Noni's past exploits, she was caught six years back walking out of a Beverly Hills clothes store with $3,000 worth of unpaid-for clothing. For a moment she actually tried claiming that she was 'researching for a role', before abandoning that approach when she realised it was the worst excuse since John Wayne Gacy said that the 27 guys underneath the crawlspace were just 'having a nap'.
You would think - after being sentenced to three years probation and 480 hours community service - that she had learnt her lesson, wouldn't you? Weeeelll ... you'd be wrong.
We've all moaned about the seemingly endless remakes being churned out by Hollywood these days.
Whether it's pointless shot-by-shot rehashes of Psycho or awful renditions of classic British films such as Get Carter and the Italian Job, it seems nothing is immune to Tinseltown's obsession with recycling. When was the last time producers in Hollywood had an original idea?
Well, hecklerspray has decided to help the ailing American movie monolith by coming up with 10 films they should remake. It hasn't been easy. A lot of films on the list we love. But we are a giving site and have decided to stick our heads on the block. So why do it? Well, like we said, most of the films listed are films we love. But maybe it's time we updated them. That could be for a variety of reasons. Some films started as great ideas but just ended up as a pile of shit, while others have dated badly and could be improved upon by the latest special effects techniques. There are also movies that could simply do with a bath and clean clothing.
Oh, there is one proviso. George Lucas cannot get his hands on any of them. Here goes:
We once got bit by a cactus in a room where we were watching our aunt get chemo.
We felt different afterwards - very different. Our skin took on a heroic red hue, and little patches of extra muscle formed all over our body in the exact shape of radiation blisters. We'd entered that room too weak to even wear that simple lead vest, and left the room without touching the ground.
It's because we were vomiting on a stretcher. Apparently people visiting hospitals are 'obligated' to read the door-signs. What are we, students? Needless to say no real powers were transferred to us from that radiated cactus. And like us, the Justice League of America is looking sickly, bald and blistery at the moment.
There's a chance that the Hollywood home of actress Charlize Theron has been burgled, possibly, at some point, we think.
Vague, we know, but it's as concrete as it gets. According to the LAPD, Charlize Theron's home was broken into at some point between last Thursday and Saturday, but nobody seems to know what was taken, if anything. Still, we're sure Charlize Theron will use her natural resourcefulness to turn this possible almost-burglary into something positive. Maybe Charlize will dramatise her supposed vaguely-timed not-quite burglary and turn it into a movie. She might even win an Oscar for it, too, so long as she promises to not wear any make-up and scowl a bit in the trailer.
Without the Munchkins, The Wizard Of Oz would have been totally different - a story about a young girl in a strange magical land instead of a story about a young girl in a strange magical land where a bunch of midgets do a dance at the end.
And, finally, the Munchkins have got their recognition - 68 years after The Wizard Of Oz was released, the Munchkins have finally got a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. Just one star, mind you, between 124 Munchkins - or, if you only want to dismiss the 117 Munchkins that died, one star between seven. Of course, the Munchkins weren't just given a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame for The Wizard Of Oz, it was also because of their profound influence on cinema. If it weren't for the Munchkins, you see, then the makers of Little Man would have never written a scene where a midget tries to put his penis into his adopted mother's mouth. On behalf of Planet Earth, Munchkins, we thank you.
