For years, I have been writing about how fucking ridiculous celebrities are, but also how surprisingly relatable they can be. I actually made an entire list back in 2014 of ways I found Kim Kardashian relatable, however, the tides have really turned.
As the years have passed, some of my favorite celebs have gone from being my soul sisters to just…messes. I think you can see where this is going. Yes, I have compiled a list of celebrities I can’t relate to anymore, so, like sands through the hour glass, these are the bitches that now have me rolling my eyes.
Like I said, a few years back, I made a list of all the ways Kim Kardashian WAS relatable. But then she married Kanye West and started wearing $500 bicycle shorts that he designed and then they spent $17k to insure that their second kid would be a boy, and, what’s even more bizarre, is that Kim Kardashian is actually a Centaur now. You know those magical creatures that are half horse half person? As you can see from the above pic, she has somehow become one, and last time I checked I can’t relate to bitches who inhabit Narnia in car payment bicycle shorts.
Angelina Jolie used to be a beautiful, iconic Goddess to me. She was Hollywood’s favorite bad girl and I thought she was the epitome of cool. She inspired me to start getting tattoos! Now, Angelina Jolie has 74501 kids and is suing Brad Pitt for child support, claiming she’s broke, even though we all know she is v v rich. Talk about PETTY. I can’t relate to Angelina anymore for many reasons: 1) I have two kids, and I think any more than that is FOOLISH, 2) she wears UGLY ASS SHOES ALL THE FUCKING TIME, and 3) she is being mega petty in her divorce from Brad Pitt, and the only petty bitch I care for is Blac Chyna.
This one is very surprising for me, because I always thought of Gwen Stefani as like the cool girl next door with the great style and fun music, and she was always someone I thought I would really like. However, Gwen Stefani is now dating a man who wears crocs to the beach. That’s disgusting. She went from wearing Alexander McQueen to dating a man who wears crocs to the fucking beach. I don’t even know you anymore, Gwen.
Back when she was on Disney Channel, I found Bella Thorne so cute and relatable and talented. Then she grew up to be a messy hybrid of 2013 Miley Cyrus and a lot lizard. She looks like she smells like Kesha’s panties from 2009 that still haven’t been washed. Wyd, girl? (aside from a lot of anal)