Well have we got good news for you – You may be able to solve all those issues soon with the help of Snoop Doggy Dogg. He’s selling his old garden shed on eBay. That’s right, on eBay – so someone like you can help keep up hip hop’s proud tradition of extremely precise lawn care.

Now right off the bat you may think there’s absolutely no need to purchase Snoop’s old backyard tool shed. You may even think that although it looked real nice in the rapper’s backyard it would probably just crowd your livingroom.

To that we say this – don’t lose this chance so foolishly. After all, this is the same garden shed Snoop was wearing when he infamously got kicked out of Heathrow, and its the same shed he was wearing while he did almost a literal 1000 hours of community service for something or other.

Still not convinced it’d be a smart buy? But it’s for charity you selfish boob. As E! Online puts it:

“The hip-hop star is putting his favorite old backyard haunt—where he’s done some serious woodshedding over the years to craft some of his biggest hits and hang out with some of music’s brightest luminaries—on the eBay auction block to raise funds for Snoop’s Youth Football League.

“”I’ve had this shed since tha turn of tha century,” Snoop tells E! News. “I’ve beaten over 1,000 people in Madden in it, watched football game tape, seen the Lakers win championships, and, most of all, written hits in it.”"

And if that still doesn’t convince you the Dogg is prepared to sweeten the deal by throwing in the butler that’s been permanently assigned to the building for at least the past two years. And if you act now you can get a free diamond encrusted carrot peeler. It sounds tacky but it actually looks quite nice.

Surely by now you must be wondering where you can buy such a fine backyard product while financially contributing to little boys in padding tackling each other. Well, the link is right here.

Better click fast – its already over $1000.

With an option to rent to own.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

Pamela Anderson's life is so crazy it should be a sitcom – a really quite poor sitcom about a woman with underdeveloped emotional maturity and quite a lot of hepatitis.

However, Pamela Anderson is too classy to turn her life into a sitcom. So that's why she's decided to turn it into a reality show for E! instead.

But don't expect Pamela to be a tawdry, tell-all delve into Pamela Anderson's personal life – it's apparently going to be a docu-style series that won't feature any of Pamela Anderson's children. It probably won't feature any of her love interests either, because the near-constant meet/marry/pregnancy scare/divorce cycle Pamela Anderson pounds through on an almost monthly basis will just leave viewers disorientated and confused.

Pamela Anderson's a brave woman to let reality TV cameras into her life. Not because her life is a horrible mess that will only invite viewers to pass negative judgement on her necessarily, but more because we were under the impression that every time she's filmed by a video camera she's overwhelmed by the urge to gobble cocks like some sort of disgusting penisy anteater.

But still, Pamela Anderson is going to have her own reality TV show just like Dina Lohan and her Blonde & Blonder co-star Denise Richards do. It's great – humanity is one step closer to securing documented footage of the day-to-day lives of just about every grinning, pointless, female North American celebrity without a proper job in the world. Our ancestors will surely thank us.

But unlike Denise Richard's reality show, Pamela Anderson's series Pamela won't so much focus on her labyrinthine personal life and will instead be about, um, all the other things she's famous for. Like, um, her tits and… no, that's just about it. Her tits. E! Online? Can you help us out?

"Pamela is set for a summer debut. Billed not as a reality series but as a 'docu-style series', the show is being produced by the makers of the acclaimed feature documentaries The Eyes of Tammy Faye and Inside Deep Throat. 'Pamela will be an artistically rich and visually stunning series,' executive producer Randy Barbato said in a statement. 'The series will offer an unprecedented look inside the life of one of today's most iconic superstars in the style of a uniquely shot documentary film.'

We'll take that as a no, then. So, in the absence of a proper description, we'd imagine that Pamela is going to be a stark visualisation of Pamela Anderson's well-kept blog. After all, the blog is how she's documented her life to her fans for a few years now, so it makes sense for the show to be a direct continuation of that. 

We certainly hope that it is, because we're desperate to see how the producers will be able to turn the entry "Come on OBAMA – turn it upside down!!! —I love you!" into a coherent half-hour of television.

Just kidding. In fact, we're sure that once she's on camera Pamela Anderson will be so luminous and charismatic that she'll provide the makers with hours and hours of wonderful footage. Which might just about run to 30 minutes once all the blowjobs have been edited out.

Read more:

Pamela Does E! - E! Online 

No, us neither. Not at all. In fact, sometimes entire calendar months pass when we don't even think of Denise Richards, let alone wonder what it'd be like to actually be her. We've got plenty more important things to wonder about than that.

But tough shit, because Denise Richards has formally announced that she's making a reality TV show about herself with the express intention of showing everyone what it's like to be Denise Richards. The show won't be broadcast until the summer, but we can already guess what it's like to be Denise Richards – pretty much like being any other idiot, but with better tits. 

It takes a special person to go through a lengthy, petty divorce with Charlie Sheen – a divorce that produced evidence of Charlie calling you both a 'nigger' and a 'sad jobless pig' – and still come out the other side looking like the lunatic of the marriage, but that's Denise Richards.

While divorcing Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards claimed he murdered a prostitute and claimed he was more or less a full-blown paedophile. That's heavy stuff. But, then again, Denise apparently asked Charlie for more babies after the divorce and then threw a laptop onto an old lady's head, which sort of helps balance the crazy out a little bit.

And now E! viewers are going to be able to see exactly how crazy Denise Richards is, because she's just confirmed that she's getting her own reality TV show. It's the show that Charlie Sheen tried to block, and although it's about Denise Richards, it definitely won't be a show about her divorce. No way. Denise Richards hardly even mentions the divorce any more and she's not bitter about anything, actually. E! Online reports:

The court-approved series will follow the famous mother as she transitions back into life as a single parent and attempts to distance herself from her acrimonious, headline-grabbing divorce from Sheen… "I think there's been so many negative things about me in the press, most of it not true. I've kept quiet about many, many things, and I find the public believes what they hear. And if they're only hearing one side, that's what they're going to believe. So, it's time for people to see what I'm really like."

We're just trying to work out what things Denise Richards has kept quiet about, because we were under the impression that she never shuts up about anything ever. And doesn't that line "it's time for people to see what I'm really like," strike the fear of God into you hearts? That's the sort of thing that the terminally self-unaware say when they've got a very clear idea of how they want to be seen. Leo Sayer had one before he went on Celebrity Big Brother last year, and look how that ended.

And even if it turns out that Denise Richards is a rational, normal human being who's behaves with the utmost dignity all day, she's been in the entertainment industry to know that her reality TV show will be a stitch-up that cobbles together her worst moments to make her look like a total nutter.

At least it had better be a stitch-up. Otherwise we're not watching.

Read more:

Denise Gets a Dose of E! – E! Online