Pamela Anderson's life is so crazy it should be a sitcom – a really quite poor sitcom about a woman with underdeveloped emotional maturity and quite a lot of hepatitis.
However, Pamela Anderson is too classy to turn her life into a sitcom. So that's why she's decided to turn it into a reality show for E! instead.
But don't expect Pamela to be a tawdry, tell-all delve into Pamela Anderson's personal life – it's apparently going to be a docu-style series that won't feature any of Pamela Anderson's children. It probably won't feature any of her love interests either, because the near-constant meet/marry/pregnancy scare/divorce cycle Pamela Anderson pounds through on an almost monthly basis will just leave viewers disorientated and confused.
Pamela Anderson's a brave woman to let reality TV cameras into her life. Not because her life is a horrible mess that will only invite viewers to pass negative judgement on her necessarily, but more because we were under the impression that every time she's filmed by a video camera she's overwhelmed by the urge to gobble cocks like some sort of disgusting penisy anteater.
But still, Pamela Anderson is going to have her own reality TV show just like Dina Lohan and her Blonde & Blonder co-star Denise Richards do. It's great – humanity is one step closer to securing documented footage of the day-to-day lives of just about every grinning, pointless, female North American celebrity without a proper job in the world. Our ancestors will surely thank us.
But unlike Denise Richard's reality show, Pamela Anderson's series Pamela won't so much focus on her labyrinthine personal life and will instead be about, um, all the other things she's famous for. Like, um, her tits and… no, that's just about it. Her tits. E! Online? Can you help us out?
"Pamela is set for a summer debut. Billed not as a reality series but as a 'docu-style series', the show is being produced by the makers of the acclaimed feature documentaries The Eyes of Tammy Faye and Inside Deep Throat. 'Pamela will be an artistically rich and visually stunning series,' executive producer Randy Barbato said in a statement. 'The series will offer an unprecedented look inside the life of one of today's most iconic superstars in the style of a uniquely shot documentary film.'
We'll take that as a no, then. So, in the absence of a proper description, we'd imagine that Pamela is going to be a stark visualisation of Pamela Anderson's well-kept blog. After all, the blog is how she's documented her life to her fans for a few years now, so it makes sense for the show to be a direct continuation of that.
We certainly hope that it is, because we're desperate to see how the producers will be able to turn the entry "Come on OBAMA – turn it upside down!!! —I love you!" into a coherent half-hour of television.
Just kidding. In fact, we're sure that once she's on camera Pamela Anderson will be so luminous and charismatic that she'll provide the makers with hours and hours of wonderful footage. Which might just about run to 30 minutes once all the blowjobs have been edited out.
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mst3kster says
Sounds like a whore-able show to me.
euclid says
Fuck the dumb shit, PDoh’s going to jail!!!
I just bet his next album will sound so much better
because he is a TRUE ARTIST and TA’s suffer, so
his suffering will make him an UltraTrue Artist.
Not like Pam. She suffers bad hair days. She is not
a True Artist, but a Genuine Celebrity.