What's the one thing better than constantly reading about the ridiculous, abnormally braindead custody squabble between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards?
Why, watching it on TV! And that's exactly why Denise Richards has reached the genius decision to take part in a reality TV show all about her cack-brained efforts to make Charlie Sheen look as monumentally dimwitted as possible in public.
Best of all, there's nothing that Charlie Sheen can do about it.
OK, we told a bit of a lie in the headline there – Denise Richards isn't going to make the best TV show in history. That's because the best TV show in history would be a live, constantly-updated theatrical dramatisation of Denise Richards' brain acted out in real time as each thought happens. It'd be great, just like 24 but starring one mad woman in a chicken outfit trying to sing the love theme from Starship Troopers in the style of an uppity horse.
No. What's actually happening is that Denise Richards is making a reality TV show about her life instead. And her kids' lives. And Charlie Sheen isn't very happy about it. E! Online reports:
Another closed hearing pertaining to the duo's ongoing custody battle took place Tuesday, with reps for both exes declining to comment on what went down behind closed doors. Sheen arrived at the Los Angeles courthouse with his attorney, while Richards' legal camp participated by phone. But even though the public was shut out of this latest round, TMZ is reporting that, despite Sheen's objections, a court commissioner greenlighted Richards' plans for a reality show featuring her and Sheen's two daughters, 3-year-old Sam and 2-year-old Lola.
That's fantastic – it's not like Denise Richards' film career is going anywhere, and this will give her a perfect opportunity to utilise her best assets; which are her absurd thought patterns – but we still have two big regrets here.
The first regret about the Denise Richards reality TV show is that it didn't start 14 months ago so we could have seen Denise hurl that laptop at a wheelchair-bound old lady, and the second is that Charlie Sheen's not going to be in it.
Because, as much fun as it'll be watching Denise Richards constantly muttering things like "Daddy doesn't love you, you know," and "Yes, that's a lovely drawing of a flower. It reminds me of that time your Daddy murdered a prostitute," it won't be a patch on what the show could be if Charlie Sheen co-starred as the angry, racially-confused ex-husband who constantly stood in the background screaming about what a sad jobless pig Denise Richards is and how funny it is that her mother's got cancer.
But we'll survive without it. Unless Denise Richards' reality TV show features clips of Blonde & Blonder. That's something we can do without.
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