Chelsea Handler Says “It’s Not You, It’s Me” To E!

Chelsea HandlerAfter 8 years of hosting Chelsea Lately on the E! Network, Chelsea Handler has decided to leave at the end of the year when her contract is up.  This really isn’t a huge a surprise since Handler hasn’t really been hiding her contempt of them lately.

It’s hard to pretend you’re happy working for the jerks who brought us all the Kardashians, even if you are making millions of dollars a year, unless you are Ryan Seacrest.  I guess once you stop banging the president of the network, you lose that loyalty feeling to the people who basically gave you all your fame.

Chelsea Handler, otherwise known as Jennifer Aniston’s rougher looking BFF ever since Courteney Cox got a little too “close” to her co-star, has been the host of the late night talk show/shit talking fest Chelsea Lately for 8 years.  It tries to be the meaner late night show, Chelsea has a table full of mediocre comedians making fun of celebrities, and Handler herself doesn’t kiss everyone’s ass all the time. So in that respect it is very different from the other shows, although let’s be honest it isn’t all that funny half the time.

I do think part of the problem though is that Chelsea is limited on how mean she can really go.  I have read her books- that is one foul mouthed bitch.  So I know she is holding back what she wants to say half the time, which means she is holding back all the good shit (Obviously, I am a fan of vulgar humor and super judgeyness).   I mean, you KNOW she is being forced not to talk as badly about the Kardashians as she is dying to.  E! knows who butters their bread most, and it’s that plastic faced super dysfunctional hot mess of a family, so there is no way they are letting Chelsea rip them to verbal shreds the way she could.

It’s become more and more apparent lately that Chelsea is sick of the stifling nature of the network, even recently referring to it as “sad, sad place to live.”  Sad is a pretty on point word for what I would call the assholes who helped extend Kim Kardashians 15 minutes of piss covered fame.   So now that her contract is up this year, she is walking away.  She may be making 9 million dollars a year, but I guess at a certain point your pride comes first.  It also probably helps that after a few years of making that kind of money, you are kind of in a safe position to walk away from your job now.

Handler has hired a new manager Irving Azoff who confirmed that Chelsea is saying “Peace out bitches!”

“Chelsea intends to leave when her contract expires. She hired me to figure out her life after E! We have at least seven suitors and many ideas.”

Seven suitors, hmm?  Which networks have single presidents currently?  That would probably be my guess as to where she ends up next.

While I am excited for the possibility of the real, rawer Chelsea Handler being able to come out, I am super disgusted for what will arise out of her departure.  You KNOW Kris Jenner (Or is she back to Kardashian now that Bruce tucked in his balls and walked away?) is just beating down everyone’s door, demanding her own late night show.  Ryan Seacrest’s voicemail box is probably full, his unread emails are in the thousands, and he’s thiiiiis close to getting a temporary restraining order.  They will not only end up giving this bitch her own show, but it will be as stupidly named as you’d expect from these assholes.  “Keeping Up Late Knights With Kris!”  “Kris And Kompany!”  “Kris Kisses Kelebrity Ass For Kash!”

Kill me now.

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Comments

  1. barry orear says

    Don’t like how she talks down to people I guess its comedy I will never understand show is almost funny will stop it if I get lazy with remote.