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dead celebrities

Bernie Mac: 1957 – 2008

by Ian Dransfield

Comedian Bernie Mac died on Saturday after complications arose from his pneumonia. And we’ll be the first to hold our hands up and say: we ‘effed up. Both in printing a story with contradictory information, entitled ‘See – We Told You Bernie Mac Was Going to be Okay’, then going on to delete said story [...]

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Bernie Mac Not Dead. May Be Dying. Probably Not Though.

by Ian Dransfield

There are some ‘are they-aren’t they?’ games that we prefer not to play, as they’re simply not as much fun as they should be. Assuming that Angelina Jolie has had herself some kids is one version of the game we’re more than willing to play. Even when it’s as clearly wrong as some people can [...]

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Amy Winehouse Might Die Of The Lurgy Or Something

by Matthew Laidlow

As a 24-year-old, you’d be expected to be at the peak of your physical fitness.

Granted, the occasional boozy day and sly ciggie may do a little bit of harm to you, but so what? Unless you’re a Buddhist, you only live once, so take it all in your stride. If something happens to your temple-like body, modern day medicine can usually extend your knackered life out till around 83.

However some people take exception to this rule and pretty much disintegrate before our very eyes. Amy Winehouse used to be a healthy fit women whose only ghastly features were the tattoos that made her look like some sort of burly transvestite sailor. Heavy drinking and smoking have alarmingly made her thinner, sicker and a bit more violent. Oh, and there’s the drugs. You can’t forget about the drugs. Anyway, all of this combined might be about to kill her, her Dad says. Who’d have guessed?

As a 24-year-old, you’d be expected to be at the peak of your physical fitness. Granted, the occasional boozy day and sly ciggie may do a little bit of harm to you, but so what? Unless you’re a Buddhist, you only live once, so take it all in your stride. If something happens to your temple-like body, modern day medicine can usually extend your knackered life out till around 83. However some people take exception to this rule and pretty much disintegrate before our very eyes. Amy Winehouse used to be a healthy fit women whose only ghastly features were the tattoos that made her look like some sort of burly transvestite sailor. Heavy drinking and smoking have alarmingly made her thinner, sicker and a bit more violent. Oh, and there’s the drugs. You can’t forget about the drugs. Anyway, all of this combined might be about to kill her, her Dad says. Who'd have guessed?
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Bozo Takes a Trip to the Big Kid’s Party in the Sky

by Ian Dransfield

Beloved children's entertainer or feared icon striking terror into the hearts of those clever enough to realise that clowns are created from pure, distilled evil – however you look at him the news is the same: Bozo the clown has passed on.  Larry Harmon, credited not with the creation of the Bozo character but with [...]

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Stop Press! Legendary EastEnders Character To Be Killed Off

by Matthew Laidlow

Soap operas are brilliant aren’t they? They all give a retrospective insight into life in the various locations where they are all filmed.

In Emmerdale for instance, all the characters belong to rival farming tribes and live in the middle of nowhere. Coronation Street is full of a variety of characters, from the old, young and transsexual. But the best has to be EastEnders. It’s attempt at showing murky gangster activity is hilarious. All these soaps also have one thing in common.

It doesn’t matter how legendary a soap character is, as soon as they’ve been killed off they’ll never work on television again. For one unlucky EastEnders character, their 14-year stint is soon to be over. But who is it? Find out after the jump.

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George Carlin Dead At 71

by Stuart Heritage

Sad news – George Carlin, the man known to various generations as either a groundbreaking taboo-shattering comedian or Rufus from Bill And Ted – has died.

According to reports, George Carlin died of heart failure after being admitted to St. John’s Health Centre in Los Angeles yesterday afternoon, complaining of chest pain. He was 71.

George Carlin’s career is littered with landmarks – he hosted the first-ever Saturday Night Live, for example, while blasted on cocaine – but none were quite as great as this. It’s the stand-up routine that got him arrested and then rewrote the obscenity laws. Sad news indeed…

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Finally! Tatum O’Neal’s Dog Groomer Says Stuff

by hecklerspray staff

We’ve been wondering for days if Tatum O’Neal really did love her dog. Well, praise Jeebus, we have an answer!

Tatum O’Neal’s dog groomer has come along to confirm that Tatum did, in fact, love her dog, and also to defend Tatum saying that her doggy’s death was the reason for her attempted cocaine buying escapades earlier this week.

This may seem like a bunch of stupid nonsense from one deluded twit about another deluded twit who used her dead dog as a deluded, twitty excuse to buy drugs, but it’s not.

We forget why, though…

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Cameron Diaz Loses Father & Boyfriend In Same Week

by Paul Sorrenti

It has been a truly rubbish week to be Cameron Diaz.

First her father, Emilio, dies ‘suddenly’ of pneumonia at 58 years young; a truly traumatic experience that no daughter should have to go through.

It’s in times like these we turn to the ones that love us the most for support; our family; our friends; our dashingly handsome Glaswegian boyfriend called Gerard Butler. Oh, no, wait – screw that last one, because it turns out he’s left us to mourn here alone, and as we cry away a river of pain the uncaring media report sightings of him publicly tonguing some Z-list TV celebrity whore.

Fucking Men!

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Try To Stay Calm: Martha Stewart’s Dog Is Dead

by Stuart Heritage

Awful, awful, tragic news – Martha Stewart’s dog has passed away.

Almost 13 years old, Martha Stewart’s dog had previously been struggling with renal disease of late, but recently lost its epic battle with the illness on Saturday. The death of Martha Stewart’s job – familiar to millions of fans through countless appearances in commercials, television shows and magazines – has reportedly left Martha Stewart distraught. Out thoughts are with her.

Or at least our thoughts would be with her, but we’re too busy giggling because the dog’s name was Kublai Khan Paw Paw Chow Chow Chow. Kublai Khan Paw Paw Chow Chow Chow, for god’s sake. Still, at least now it’s dead Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are free to give the name to their next child without guilt.

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Charlton Heston R.I.P

by Paul Sorrenti

Charlton Heston RIPLegendary actor Charlton Heston has died, aged 84.

The Oscar winning actor had been suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. A family spokesman said he passed away Saturday night at his home in Beverley Hills, California.

During his career the actor, famed for his muscular build and booming baritone voice, won an Oscar for his role In Chariots of Fire, let rip at a bunch of monkeys for destroying the statue of liberty ‘You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!’. He raised a rod over his head as Moses in The Ten Commandments and parted the Red Sea, and was seen controversially mimicking the Moses-pose in Michael Moore’s Bowling For Colombine, this time as President of the NRA, challenging any detractors of his to pry the rifle “from my cold, dead hands”.

Charlton Heston RIPLegendary actor Charlton Heston has died, aged 84. The Oscar winning actor had been suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. A family spokesman said he passed away Saturday night at his home in Beverley Hills, California. During his career the actor, famed for his muscular build and booming baritone voice, won an Oscar for his role In Chariots of Fire, let rip at a bunch of monkeys for destroying the statue of liberty ‘You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!’. He raised a rod over his head as Moses in The Ten Commandments and parted the Red Sea, and was seen controversially mimicking the Moses-pose in Michael Moore’s Bowling For Colombine, this time as President of the NRA, challenging any detractors of his to pry the rifle “from my cold, dead hands”.
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