Amy Winehouse used to be a healthy, fit women, whose only ghastly features were the tattoos that made her look like some sort of burly transvestite sailor.
However, heavy drinking and smoking have alarmingly made her thinner, sicker and a bit more violent. Oh, and there’s the drugs. You can’t forget about the drugs.
Anyway, all of this combined might be about to kill her, her Dad says. Who’d have guessed?
It’s been fairly well documented that Amy Winehouse has dabbled in the occasional drug. Despite the pleas of her family, friends and her record label, she still manages to flop around aimlessly and collapse in a heap for photographers.
After attempting to play Glastonbury and partaking in a bout of bare-knuckle boxing, Amy Winehouse’s health is reportedly in sharp decline. She was diagnosed with chronic lung disease emphysema last month and her long-suffering dad and messenger boy Mitch has warned that she could face a long and painful death.
Digital Spy reports:
“I want people to understand; even if they give her one cigarette they’re causing her harm. We would be talking about a very slow and painful death, gasping for air. I would like to say to anybody who would supply her with substances to think about that.”
Uh-oh, sales of Benson & Hedges are set to rapidly plummet following this announcement. Surely, Amy will take this advice seriously and not partake in the occasional smoke.
But, then again, that’s like trying to convince Manchester Utd that we’d be a suitable replacement for Ronaldo.
Of course, this story would be nothing without an appearance from Amy’s Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake. We know that’s not how you spell it, but we think ‘Blake’ is just a cover name. Anyway, Mitch Winehouse must be dreading the day that Blake is released from prison, because he’s thought to be the one who got Amy in all this trouble to begin with, right?
Nope. Mitch claims that once Blake is released from prison, he will go straight to rehab, clean up his act and become a scout leader and sell cookies to old women. Once again, he said:
“I’m quite old-fashioned and I believe that love can conquer anything. I believe they can have a happy ending, I really do believe that.”
Maybe Amy and Blake can become a modern day Romeo And Juliet? Picture the scene! In their scabby Camden flat amongst the used needles, vomit and spewed-up blood, the loving couple can lie together in each others arms as one slowly dies from a smokers cough. Shakespeare would be proud.