It has been a truly rubbish week for Cameron Diaz.
First her father Emilio dies suddenly of pneumonia at 58 years young – a truly traumatic experience that no daughter should have to go through.
It’s in times like these we turn to the ones that love us the most for support; our family; our friends; our dashingly handsome Glaswegian boyfriend called Gerard Butler.
Oh, no, wait – screw that last one, because it turns out he’s left her to mourn here alone. And as we cry away a river of pain, the uncaring media report sightings of him publicly tonguing some Z-list TV celebrity.
Fucking men!
Stories are never black and white though and for all we know Cameron could just be a supremely irritating person to be around now.
Especially now Gerard’s left her, which has multiplied the mourning.
“Oh, I don’t want to have sex right now, my dad’s dead, waaah waaah”. If you were as handsome as Gerard Butler, could you put up with that? We only live once – as Emilio’ll testify – can we really be expected to dilly-dally around with upset loved-ones?
The mourning could go on for months, years even! And when you stop to consider there’s six million sperm as sought-after as Gerard’s, all of them eager to burst into the world, can we really blame him?
Of course we can, he is utter scum – unless he isn’t.
According to the Mirror:
“While Cam mourned her dad, the PS I Love You star was seen swapping saliva with Cheryl Burke – a pro on US TV show Dancing With The Stars.The couple were fawning all over one another at a bash thrown by US Weekly mag at Beso restaurant in LA. We’re told: ‘He was in the VIP section when Cheryl came up to him. After some banter he gave her a passionate snog in front of everyone’.”
Cheryl Burke – didn’t she used to present Record Breakers? What’s he thinking? We’d put up with a lifetime of Cameron mourning if the alternative was shagging that has-been – even if Kriss Akabusi was geeing us on from the sidelines, which he almost certainly would be.
Actually, who are we kidding, that would be amazing. There’s nothing like a motivational talk from Kriss Akabusi to help maintain an erection. Alwiigght!
So can we really blame Gerard for his philanderings? Let us not forget either that Gerard is playing a sloppy second to Justin Timberlake, officially the world’s greatest lover (it says so in all his songs).
So, although on first look it seems that Gerard Butler is a horrible human being, when you think about how irritating Cameron could be right now, multiplied by the opportunity to get some Kriss Akabusi voyeurism in your world, to-the-power-of Justin Timberlake’s ubercock, it all adds up to, well – only the most mental mathematician could find an accurate answer to that.
We’ll just have to make the educated guess that he’s probably a bastard.
Read More -Hollywood actress Cameron Diaz splits with Gerard Butler – Mirror
Just Me says
This has to be the most ugly and disgusting piece of so called journalism that I have ever read. Why don’t you check your facts before printing an article full of lies.
Gerry was NOT ever dating Cameron. He said that a week BEFORE her father died so he did NOT leave her in mourning. Geez people report things accurately.
All these stories are just a spin on what has already been falsely reported with no facts to back it up.
The way you are discrediting this man is absolutely shameful. You bringing up this complete nonsense in her time of mourning is disgraceful and puts an uglier light on the already tainted view of journalists in general.
Paul Sorrenti says
You may find in the essence of the writing style that the whole relationship debacle isn’t to be taken too seriously.
Just Me says
So you make defamatory remarks about a man as a joke? Proves my point about the shoddy journalism. What is the point of writing something like this? I am not taking issue with the dating thing I take issue with making a decent man look like a total creep. Makes your article no less shameful.
euclid says
Ha! Dimwit. Yes. The defamatory remarks are a joke.
Which is the point of this site, dipshit, not ‘journalism’.
And since you are so passionate about your literature,
you might do well to consider that just as beauty is
in the eye of the beholder, so too is your perception that
the article makes a “decent man look like a total creep.”
Take your outrage somewhere appropriate you pious toad.
Zander says
Just Me, go look up the word “satire” in Webster’s.
Then snag a double mocha latte from Starbucks and STFU.
filipinos says
Sounds familiar for Burke though, wouldn’t put it past her….she must love the gossip around her. Obviously she gets her ‘thrills’ from this…..
Paul Sorrenti says
once again, euclid, i tip my hat to you
Douches wont leave me alone says
wow. This is bullshit. I could care less for Cameron and her dead father, yesh it’s sad, boo hoo OMG. She’s famous, can’t she use her money to fix her fucking problems? Anyways, You guys do make Gerard sound like he’s bad. But seriously, he wasn’t even dating Cameron. They were just “snogging” here and there. Gerard is a huge flirt, and he isn’t getting married so he says, so let him snog all the women he wants and quit bashing him for it. At least he gets more men and women then any of you losers ever will! So before i leave this bullshit site all i gott say is… sites like this will never make it to a magazine, so your info is worthless and will be worhtless… LIKE YOU! have a fabulous day fucking yourself in your mom’s basement!
Swansong says
I understand this article was meant as satire, but I find it in very poor taste to publish such a “humorous” piece when Miss Diaz and her family have lost a loved one.
Stabby McGee says
MADNESS? THIS IS SATIRE!!!