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Daniel Craig

Daniel Craig & Hugh Jackman In ‘Some Dreary Play About Policemen’

by Stuart Heritage

Here’s a killer pitch for you. James Bond and Wolverine team up to fight crime together. Sounds good, huh?

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Daniel Craig is Tin, Tintin (Sort Of)

by Stuart Heritage

Did you know that if you randomly chose a group of 1,000 people, none of them would care about the new Tintin movie?

True story. But that’s only because Tintin had no stars attached to it – it existed only as an idea. An idea about a ginger Belgian boy who’s a little bit racist. And that’s the worst idea of all.

But now Tintin has stars attached, and one of them is Daniel Craig. But stars like Daniel Craig come with demands – and if Tintin will fit with the rest of his canon, Craig wants it renamed A Nanoparticle Of Despondency.

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Roger Moore Gets All Stroppy About Punchy New James Bond

by Stuart Heritage

You knew what you got when Roger Moore was James Bond – safari jackets, volcano HQs and women called Felicity Nobgobbler.

Not any more, though. Daniel Craig is James Bond now, so that means that when you watch a James Bond film you’re essentially getting whatever happened in the last Bourne movie, but without any of the interesting bits about amnesia.

And this has upset Roger Moore. Moore says he’s saddened by all the flashy violence in the new Daniel Craig James Bond movies, and he wishes that 007 films could be more like the ones he made. The thing is, he’s got a point – we know we’d have enjoyed Quantum Of Solace quite a lot more if all the parkour scenes starred a wheezy old man in a corset who looks like he smells of urine-soaked leather instead of Daniel Craig.

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Daniel Craig Loves All The Abuse. Loves It

by Chris Laverty

Currently appearing as 007 in Quantum of Solace, which by most accounts is exciting but about as much fun as a Schindler’s List theme park, Daniel Craig has taken time out to praise a new generation of Bond women. Women who will tell him to “f**k off” if he misbehaves. That’s right, “f**k off”, it’s Slovakian.

Daniel Craig isn’t exactly renowned for his song and dance demeanour. He’s a serious actor and questions about his teeny shorts in Casino Royale or why he wore a lifejacket to avoid drowning three years ago are bound to annoy him.

Plus if he decided to chase us over a building site we’d make it about as far as the Portakabin before going into cardiac arrest. We’re gonna just stick to the new movie instead.

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Quantum of Solace Pushed Back a Week, and It’s All Harry Potter’s Fault

by Ian Dransfield

Harry Potter has a lot to answer for – now he’s magically caused Quantum of Solace to be pushed back. Not content with ruining the dreams and emotions of a billion little kids and a lot of adults who probably should know better, Daniel Radcliffe and company’s decision to move the new Harry Potter film [...]

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Crazy Mayor Tries To Run Down James Bond

by Stuart Heritage

British mayors have the best job in the world – getting paid to wear some Mr T-style bling while women’s institute members give you slices of cake? How is that not brilliant?

But Chilean mayors have it even better. Not only do they get the requisite bling/cake combo – we assume – but they also get to try and mow down iconic movie characters in their mayoral 4×4. On purpose.

Don’t believe us? Then look at Carlos Lopez, mayor of Baquedano. He’s been arrested for driving a car at James Bond star Daniel Craig during a scene as some form of protest. Lopez was either protesting about the heavy-handed nature of the Bond crew during filming or because he just thinks that A Quantum Of Solace is a really, really shitty name. Either way – mad props, you mental South American public official.

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Daniel Craig Tries To Explain What A Quantum Of Solace Is

by Stuart Heritage

Still trying to work out why anyone on Earth would want to call anything – let alone a movie costing hundreds of millions of dollars – A Quantum Of Solace?

Us too. It’s been almost a week since the new James Bond movie was officially given the title A Quantum Of Solace, and it hasn’t got any less rubbish in the interim.

But fear not, because Daniel Craig has started to do interviews about A Quantum Of Solace in the hope that people will start saying “A Quantum Of Solace” so much soon that it’ll lose all meaning and everyone will forget how godawful it actually is.

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New Bond Girl Has Name You’ll Never Be Able To Pronounce Or Spell

by Stuart Heritage

The announcement has been a long time coming, but finally the Bond girl to star alongside Daniel Craig in the upcoming 007 movie is Olga Kurilenka… Olga Kurrylink… Olga Kurre… oh look, it’s some Ukrainian girl.

In fact the new Bond girl’s name is actually quite easy to pronounce – it’s Olga Kurylenko, female star of that recent Hitman film that nobody went to see.

And if you can’t pronounce ‘Olga Kurylenko’ now you’d better put some time in, because not only is she destined to become a big star following her Bond girl role but at some point in the next decade you’ll probably wind up as some sort of cowering low-ranked manservant to an all-powerful Russian oligarch and he’ll probably beat you less if you’re able to say that sort of name properly.

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Daniel Craig To Be James Bond For A Very Long Time

by Stuart Heritage

Casino Royale. It was OK and everything, but when we think of James Bond we imagine a creaky old leather-skinned corset-wearing man huffing and puffing after baddies in a safari suit, and that isn’t Daniel Craig – yet.

But, by christ, it will be soon enough. Daniel Craig has reportedly signed a deal to keep playing James Bond for another four movies, hopefully at the end of which he’ll have perfected the wheezing belly/combover combination that everyone expects from 007. But at least Daniel Craig is getting properly reimbursed for it – according to rumours, the four-movie deal he’s been given will make him the highest-paid actor in Britain, which should at least mean he won’t feel the need to make cock like The Invasion again.

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