There’s usually a very clear division between the two separate versions of Hugh Jackman, isn’t there?

There’s Stage Hugh Jackman and Screen Hugh Jackman. Screen Hugh Jackman is the one who’s angry, violent and prone to dropping to his knees and shouting “NOOOOO!” at the sky at the tiniest of provocations. And Stage Hugh Jackman is the flamboyant one, the one in the big silky blouses and spangly trousers and stuff.

Usually the two Hugh Jackmans never merge. But they did recently, when a phone went off during his latest play. You’ve never seen angry, slightly gay-seeming chiding like it.

Mobile phones can be a real problem in the theatre. We’ve all seen it – there you are, trying to catch up with a friend during some dreary old play that your girlfriend has made you go and see, when all of a sudden the actors stop what they’re doing and start shouting at you to put your phone away. It’s rude, that’s what it is.

It’s almost as rude as when everyone screams at you during long-haul flights just because your mobile phone signal has interfered with the plane’s navigational system and sent it into a tailspin that will inevitably end in fiery death. Honestly, the nerve of some people. Can’t they see we’re talking?

Something similar to this happened last week during a performance of the new Hugh Jackman/ Daniel Craig play A Steady Rain. One member of the audience was probably waiting for an important call from their dentist or something – and looking forward to it, too, to break up the monotony of Hugh Jackman’s big “Oh, I’m a policeman, I’ve seen some terrible things, boo hoo hoo” speech – but as soon as the phone started ringing, Hugh Jackman stopped the speech to get all snippy with them. Actors, eh? What a bunch of turds. Here’s the video…

Now we’ve been hard on Hugh Jackman before – pretty much only because he exists – but we have to hand it to him here. Because it wasn’t him who told the audience member to turn off their phone – it was his character. See the way he didn’t even break his accent or the cadence of his voice. That’s real acting.

That audience member is lucky that Hugh Jackman wasn’t playing Wolverine at the time, because the incident would have almost certainly resulted in bloodshed if that were the case. And they’re also lucky that they he wasn’t playing his character from Australia at the time, too, because nobody went to see Australia and it would have meant that the ringing sound could only be heard inside Hugh Jackman’s head, indicating that he was probably going through some kind of traumatic psychiatric meltdown or something.

We’ve forgotten what our point was. Something about Hugh Jackman being an idiot, probably.

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