Here’s a killer pitch for you. James Bond and Wolverine team up to fight crime together. Sounds good, huh?
Wait, we’re not finished. James Bond and Wolverine team up to fight crime together… within the strict confines of the law. And nobody kills anyone. And nothing explodes. And there’s probably a lot of crying. And it’s not even a film, it’s a play. God, we take it all back. This is a rubbish pitch.
But it’s going to happen. Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman are going to star in that exact play on Broadway. Not James Bond and Wolverine. Sorry.
Right now, both Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman are at the top of their powers. Daniel Craig has transformed James Bond from an entertainingly suave spy into a nightclub bouncer who punches stuff for a living, and Hugh Jackman has transformed Wolverine from an entertainingly wisecracking superhero to a wimp who can’t go any longer than four seconds without dropping to his knees and shouting “Nooooo!” at the sky. They’re both remarkable achievements.
So what’s next for them? Why, isn’t it obvious? It’s the theatre. After all, the theatre is where stars of the big screen go to reconnect with their craft, slowly realise that they get more money and better food on films and then pretend that they’re dying of a sushi overdose so that they can cut their run short and bolt off back to Hollywood. Or, if they’re uncomfortably young, it’s where they can get their genitals out night after night.
And best of all, Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman are doing it together, as AP reports:
Nothing has been officially confirmed but two of Hollywood’s reigning hunks may be paired next fall on Broadway in “A Steady Rain,” a two-character drama by Keith Huff. The actors are set to star in the play about two Chicago policemen, friends since childhood, whose lives take divergent paths after an unnerving incident. The Chicago Tribune called the play an “exceptionally rich, gritty and emotional drama.”
We’ve got high hopes for A Steady Rain. The combination of Hugh Jackman’s tested Broadway popularity and the instinctive masculinity of Daniel Craig coming together in a haunting play by an exciting new playwright promises to provide audiences with a night of electrifying intensity. In particular, we’re looking forward to seeing the songs This Steady Rain Has Got Me Moist, (I’ll Show You My) Warrant To Boogie and I Killed And Ate My Vietnamese Nephew Because I’m A Cannibalistic Serial Killer, which – SPOILER ALERT – is performed from inside an enchanted flying car.
So good luck to Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman. We hope that A Steady Rain runs and runs and runs. Admittedly that’s because Wolverine and the last James Bond film were so terrible that we’d like for neither of them to ever star in another film ever again, but shut up.
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Alex says
Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman sharing the same space?
The only thing wrong with this play is that it’s in New York and not London. That sucks.
Melodie says
Hey, you shut your porky mouth about Wolverine. Hugh Jackman studied Mike Tyson to play Wolverine in that shitty movie. Does Mike Tyson shout “NOOOOOOOOO!” to the heavens?
No he does not.
Well, actually. Maybe he does. It’s a tough call. Dude doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Hawaii realtor says
Sounds like a great play, I wonder if they will both be in a movie of the same name later on?