You knew what you got when Roger Moore was James Bond – safari jackets, volcano HQs and women called Felicity Nobgobbler.
Not any more, though. Daniel Craig is James Bond now, so that means that when you watch a James Bond film you’re essentially getting whatever happened in the last Bourne movie, but without any of the interesting bits about amnesia.
And this has upset Roger Moore. Moore says he’s saddened by all the flashy violence in the new Daniel Craig James Bond movies, and he wishes that 007 films could be more like the ones he made. The thing is, he’s got a point – we know we’d have enjoyed Quantum Of Solace quite a lot more if all the parkour scenes starred a wheezy old man in a corset who looks like he smells of urine-soaked leather instead of Daniel Craig.
Everyone has their favourite Bond. Purists like Sean Connery, discerning connoisseurs like George Lazenby, ironic students like Roger Moore, idiots like Timothy Dalton, people with weird preoccupations with space lasers like Pierce Brosnan and lonely single female office temps like Daniel Craig.
With each new James Bond comes a new reflection of the times. And, if you’ve seen Quantum Of Solace, you’ll know that the times we’re in now require a mute cardigan-wearing nightclub bouncer who smacks people in the face a lot and never ever tells any jokes ever.
Honestly, Quantum Of Solace is so brainlessly devoid of wit or substance that it’s just one giant Ebonics-speaking robot away from being a Michael Bay movie. In Quantum Of Solace, James Bond isn’t the stylishly bulletproof playboy that he’s supposed to be; he’s a squat thug who grunts a lot and – this is heartbreaking – doesn’t get to have sex with one of the Bond girls because she tells him that his mind is like a prison cell. He doesn’t even try to rape her. It’s such a letdown.
And we’re not the only ones disappointed by the new James Bond. The old James Bond is equally disappointed. Although he initially stuck up for Daniel Craig after his appointment as 007, Roger Moore has now decided that there’s too much bang bang and not enough kiss kiss in films like Quantum Of Solace. Reuters reports:
“I am happy to have done it, but I’m sad that it has turned so violent,” Moore said before “Quantum of Solace,” starring Daniel Craig as a darker Agent 007, opens in North America on Friday. “That’s keeping up with the times, it’s what cinema-goers seem to want and it’s proved by the box-office figures.”
Although Roger Moore does have a point – Quantum Of Solace would have been slightly more bearable if James Bond managed to crack a smile for even a second during it – we could all do well to remember that Roger Moore is an 81-year-old man and therefore automatically hates violence. Give him a week or two and we wouldn’t be surprised if he also starts complaining about how young policemen look and those fiddly new 5p coins.
And, who knows, maybe in 30 years’ time Daniel Craig will also complain about how violent James Bond has got. Admittedly for 007 movies to get any more violent than they already are, the next James Bond will need to be a cyborg with chainsaws for arms and a flamethrower rectum, but let’s not rule that out right now.
George says
Made me laugh about the flame throwing rectum. This is a well written article by Mr. Heritage.
Baltica says
There is wit in Quantum of Solace but it’s a very dry wit that foreigners wouldn’t pick up. I’m a great fan of Roger Moore, characterised by Lee Marvin as the hardest-hitting Brit he’d ever brawled with. He’s right to object to the violence in films, abd we may be wrong to think that violence in films reflects violence in society. As film watchers how would we know. There are differences between Bond and Bourne. Jason Bourne is an enhanced human being, Bond is just a typical English bloke. Bourne wants out of the killing racket. Bond wants in. Bourne is basically a nice fellow. Bond is bastard. Bourne is American and Bond isn’t.
Robert taylor says
U sir a real twit , the movie was great . the plot didnt call for cracking of smile or shagging the babes.
get real and stop being contrary for the hell of it.
ps: i wish i never have to read any more of your articles if i can help it.
Julian Mentat says
>> “i wish i never have to read any more of your
>> articles if i can help it.”
Well, I’m intrigued by what you wrote, Robert (if that is indeed your real fingers); please tell me who or what is forcing you to read the articles?
The Dread Pirate Sausage! says
The new James Bond sucks cardboard ass.
Modern filmmakers are lazy and unoriginal cattle rapists. (For all save the latest Batman and THAT was the re-telling of a re-telling of the story of a remade movie based on a f*cking comic book from 1939 – albeit a welldone one.)
Modern moviegoers… really enjoyed Beverly Hills Chiuhuahua. And there you have it.
Very sad, indeed.
David says
Never had any of this shaky cam stuff during the action in the old bond films like we have today, it did ruin QOS a bit.
Slipstream says
Even James Bond could do with a little help from Mr. T. I mean, who couldn’t?
James Bond, Fast cars, Hot women, Evil bad guys, Martinis, and Mr. T…
Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOKCzLbFOuY
kaypasah says
The shakey camera action sequences made me turn the movie off 15 minutes into it. It gave me a headache! What the heck is wrong with filmakers today? Can they not afford a Stedicam in their budget? Hmmm… let’s make an action sequence where the audience has no idea who punched who. Was that Bond that got hurt or the bad guy? Oh… that’s right! That’s not Bond! It’s some short thug with no charm! Bond used to be someone most guys wish they could be: traveling to exotic locales, driving hot cars, full of wit and charm, bagging hot chicks… etc. etc. It’s kinda sad that guys today have only a violent, witless, short ugly dude with no hot chicks and no hot car, to aspire to be. Hmmm… so much for escaping reallity…
Roger Templar says
kaypasah I couldn’t agree more ! (“It
Paul says
Quantum of Solace was not as good as Casino Royale, but it was still an entertaining thrill ride. Roger Moore was a lame pansy Bond in my opinion, and Daniel Craig is by far one of the best. Casino Royale had quite a few good one liners and humour from Daniel’s Bond, but Quantum of Solace was a gritty revenge story. Why would there be loads of humour and puns in a film about a man who previously lost his love and is now out for revenge. Don’t you idiots remember the lousy Diamond’s are Forever where Bond was out to avenge the death of his wife from OHMSS, and it had nothing, but campy humour and a Bond that looked like he was walking about in a coma for most of the time. The next installment might start to have some of the old familiar Bond elements to stop you all from complaining. Let’s hope that it follows an already great new James Bond legacy.
reality says
Roger moore had/has more style than the rest of them combined, danial craiig sucks period. and all his movies are BORING. they should of kept pierce, hes better as an old man than boring ass d craig. what do women see in this twat?
?? says
Show some respect heritage you cunt, Sir Roger Moore accomplished more than what you and your useless dad can ever dream of. Critics are useless pimples of society with low self esteem, fuck this website
Thomas says
Daniel craig’s james bond is less charismatic and sexy than the others. The original james bonds never seemed to get shot or let alone whipped in the nuts and would have sex with any chick he met, like a secret agent barney stinson. It’s sad that people dont want to see this anymore.