As Christmas is the time of goodwill to all men, it's only right that Kevin Federline and Britney Spears should put their custody differences behind them and choose to equally split the amount of time they neglect their kids on Christmas day.

In a rare gesture of kindness to his long-suffering ex-wife, Kevin Federline has allowed Britney Spears to spend Christmas morning with her two young children Sean Preston and Jayden James. This news will be a real shot in the arm for Britney Spears' morale, because now she gets to continue some of the festive traditions that the kids have already got used to - like the one where Santa comes down the chimney with his vagina hanging out, barfs up in the kitchen, shoves a handful of Cheetos into his face, absent-mindedly stubs out a cigarette on some tinsel and saunters off without leaving any presents.

Plus it means that the court-appointed custody monitor gets to see Britney Spears on Christmas day instead of her own family. Yay!

Christmas is coming - you can tell by that distinct chill in the air, the look of barely-contained glee on the faces of children and the sight of a red-faced, bulge-eyed former Hollyoaks actor hurling swearwords at a cluster of young families.

That former Hollyoaks actor, as if it could be anyone else, was our old friend Paul Danan - who up to six of you may remember from also being on Celebrity Love Island a couple of years ago. Paul Danan was all set to play Jack in the local panto production of Jack And The Beanstalk at Preston's Charter Theatre this year, but now he's not. What could Paul Danan have done to lose such a searingly high-profile acting role? Why, screaming "Come on, make some motherfucking noise!" at the disparate gaggle of bewildered children and pensioners who'd come to see Danan switch on Preston's Christmas lights, of course.