That dog. Haha! It nearly killed a load of deer and everyone laughed. The man. The man he chased the dog. He shouted Benton! Wait. It transpired it was called Fenton. Some people said “See, I always knew it was Fenton” in the world’s crappiest ‘toldyaso‘.
Then the man said ‘Jesus Christ!’ and every single gusset moistened with laughter before, in unison, the whole universe saw a gigantic hole split in its side. Quite simply, this is the funniest thing to happen to us poor creatures since Del Boy fell through a bar.
And now, this wretched meme is going to bother the charts this Christmas and it’s backed by the odious Fearne Cotton. Oh, how the British public love a novelty record. This can’t possibly fail. Basically, do a Carluccio and stick a bread-knife through your heart now. Not convinced? Listen to it over the jump, now.
So, hecklerspray got a press release alerting us to this meme-based track. It’s the archetypal lifestyle house music, complete with obligatory elastic band bassline.
The press release read thus:
If there is anyone who can take on Simon Cowell and win, it’s a dog, and that dog is called BENTON (or possibly Fenton). The internet sensation is taking on Simon Cowell in the charts this December, as The Hoxtons release a charity single featuring a remix of the now famous ?Benton! Jesus Christ? clip in a bid to save the UK from another X-Factor Christmas number one.
The track, produced by Toolroom Publishing in collaboration with Pitch Sync and titled ?Benton! Jesus Christ!?, will be released on Monday 18th December. The Hoxtons (feat. Benton Against the Machine) remixed the not-for-profit single and have chosen to donate all profits from sales of the single to Battersea Dogs and Cats Home.
Listen to ?Benton! Jesus Christ!? by The Hoxtons (feast. Benton Against the Machine) here.
The YouTube video, which became an international internet hit, shows a hapless pet owner in an escalating situation when his dog starts a stampede of deer across Richmond Park. The man can be seen running after his Labrador repeatedly shouting what sounds like “Benton!” as the pet chases dozens of terrified deer. It later emerged that the dog?s name was actually Fenton.
A Facebook group entitled ?Benton vs. Cowell? has been helping the track gain traction with the British public. Support the campaign by joining the ?Benton vs. Cowell? group on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/groups/bentonvscowell/
?Benton! Jesus Christ!? will be available to download from iTunes on Monday 18th December.
Even though this is a charity record, it’s still unswervingly hateful. You’d be better off snipping your ears off with safety scissors and posting them to Battersea Dog’s Home, wrapped in a bloody ?20 note.
Fearne Cotton played it on her woeful, dismal, vapid radio show this morning (invariably referring to it as ‘genius’ as she is wont to do) and it is quite clear that, despite everything in our constitution telling us that this is the most grisly record released in years, it will do very well because berks like dogs, memes and vaguely comedic topical records at this time of year.
Still, better than those pious twerps who bought Rage Against The Machine last year. Anyway, listen to this awful track. You’ll probably end it all after a minute of listening.
See you in the soil.