Articles tagged with: Britney Spears
Britney Spears Isn’t Even Slightly Dead
This is getting ridiculous. Michael Jackson has dominated the news to such an extent that there's no other news. Honestly. No news. The Iranians have stopped demonstrating to do a mass moonwalk in honour of Michael Jackson, Bernie Madoff only got 150 years in jail to commemorate a dance remix of Smooth Criminal that runs at 150bpm and even climate change is too traumatised to kill any more polar bears this week. So what news is there? Well, Britney Spears hasn't died. Yes, it's just like when Jeff Goldblum didn't die on Friday but, well, about Britney Spears. It's news, honest.
This is getting ridiculous. Michael Jackson has dominated the news to such an extent that there's no other news. Honestly. No news. The Iranians have stopped demonstrating to do a mass moonwalk in honour of Michael Jackson, Bernie Madoff only got 150 years in jail to commemorate a dance remix of Smooth Criminal that runs at 150bpm and even climate change is too traumatised to kill any more polar bears this week. So what news is there? Well, Britney Spears hasn't died. Yes, it's just like when Jeff Goldblum didn't die on Friday but, well, about Britney Spears. It's news, honest.
Hollywood FACT: Prettiness x10 = Accepted Level Of Crazy
Imagine going on a date with someone who seems perfectly normal. Throughout the course of the evening, you notice that they have a little vial around their neck. “Oh, that, that's just my ex husband's blood.” says your date as she pours you another glass of wine. “When I'm not looking after my fifty six billion children, I'm busy learning how to knife throw and kissing my brother in a way that could only be described as really really creepy. What do you do in your spare time?” I reckon it'd take you about ten seconds to make your 'something bad happened' excuse and get the hell out of there. Leaving your wallet, phone and passport behind if you had to. Run! Run away! Unless you're on a date with Angelina Jolie.
Imagine going on a date with someone who seems perfectly normal. Throughout the course of the evening, you notice that they have a little vial around their neck. “Oh, that, that's just my ex husband's blood.” says your date as she pours you another glass of wine. “When I'm not looking after my fifty six billion children, I'm busy learning how to knife throw and kissing my brother in a way that could only be described as really really creepy. What do you do in your spare time?” I reckon it'd take you about ten seconds to make your 'something bad happened' excuse and get the hell out of there. Leaving your wallet, phone and passport behind if you had to. Run! Run away! Unless you're on a date with Angelina Jolie.
WEBTHUMP! Thursday 7 May 2009
10 - When famous people paw at their crotches - Whipitout 9 - You know how Oprah Winfrey is trying to lose weight? Yeah, she's an idiot - Oprah 8 - Great, now that swine flu isn't as bad as everyone thinks, we can all worry about catching this lot instead - Foreignpolicy 7 - Facial hair in movies: a retrospective - Unreality.
Man Arrested For Still Liking Britney Spears
Why do people go to Britney Spears concerts? Surely there are only two reasons. One, obviously, is to escape the rain. Or maybe it's because they actually like Britney Spears. It's confusing - even Britney Spears seems a little repulsed by the idea that some people aren't utterly terrified of her, which is why she had a man arrested on Sunday for getting up on stage with her. Fair's fair, though - by being onstage the fan technically became a back-up dancer and would have therefore been contractually obliged to get Britney Spears pregnant. If anything, she was saving him some bother.
Why do people go to Britney Spears concerts? Surely there are only two reasons. One, obviously, is to escape the rain. Or maybe it's because they actually like Britney Spears. It's confusing - even Britney Spears seems a little repulsed by the idea that some people aren't utterly terrified of her, which is why she had a man arrested on Sunday for getting up on stage with her. Fair's fair, though - by being onstage the fan technically became a back-up dancer and would have therefore been contractually obliged to get Britney Spears pregnant. If anything, she was saving him some bother.
Is Britney Spears Pregnant Again? Oh Bloody Dear
Humanity could soon be wiped out by couple of Mexican pigs with the sniffles. But relax, Britney Spears is on it. If Ryan Seacrest is right, then Britney Spears plans to repopulate the planet in her image - she's apparently pregnant again. This means, in years to come, Britney Spears will be seen as Earth's new Eve figure - identical to the old Eve but with worse skin, madder eyes and, somehow, even fewer clothes. Anyway, Britney Spears is reportedly pregnant again. All that Eve stuff was a distraction to stop you howling in despair like we did when we found out.
Humanity could soon be wiped out by couple of Mexican pigs with the sniffles. But relax, Britney Spears is on it. If Ryan Seacrest is right, then Britney Spears plans to repopulate the planet in her image - she's apparently pregnant again. This means, in years to come, Britney Spears will be seen as Earth's new Eve figure - identical to the old Eve but with worse skin, madder eyes and, somehow, even fewer clothes. Anyway, Britney Spears is reportedly pregnant again. All that Eve stuff was a distraction to stop you howling in despair like we did when we found out.
Sexiest Women Of The Noughties (So Far)
With The Noughties almost at an end, it’s time to reflect. How will they best be remembered? Will people look back at a decade of global disasters, like 9/11, the world banking crisis and George W Bush? Or even the rise of talentless celebs such as Lily Allen, Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears? Well, we could list things all day, but being the shallow idiots we are, we have instead decided to focus on what really matters – the sexiest women. Call it a study of our shifting ideas about beauty and fashion if you like, but it’s really just another excuse to scour the internet for pictures of sexy girls.
With The Noughties almost at an end, it’s time to reflect. How will they best be remembered? Will people look back at a decade of global disasters, like 9/11, the world banking crisis and George W Bush? Or even the rise of talentless celebs such as Lily Allen, Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears? Well, we could list things all day, but being the shallow idiots we are, we have instead decided to focus on what really matters – the sexiest women. Call it a study of our shifting ideas about beauty and fashion if you like, but it’s really just another excuse to scour the internet for pictures of sexy girls.
Britney Spears & The Camo-Clad Stalker
Celebrity Stalking is an art - one few have perfected. We did though - don't believe us? Then how do you explain us living in Dom DeLuise's pantry for almost a month. Our trick was to dress as something that wasn't food. It doesn't really matter what - that's the only stuff that used to make it back there. Around week three we found ourselves having surprisingly deep discussions with a broom. Go ahead - mock. That broom was the truest of friends. We're an excellent stalker. The lady recently caught peeping through Britney Spears windows, on the other hand, is a sucky one.
Celebrity Stalking is an art - one few have perfected. We did though - don't believe us? Then how do you explain us living in Dom DeLuise's pantry for almost a month. Our trick was to dress as something that wasn't food. It doesn't really matter what - that's the only stuff that used to make it back there. Around week three we found ourselves having surprisingly deep discussions with a broom. Go ahead - mock. That broom was the truest of friends. We're an excellent stalker. The lady recently caught peeping through Britney Spears windows, on the other hand, is a sucky one.
Does Britney Spears Want K-Fed Back? Really? Oh Jesus
Those eyes, that belly, the ridiculous desire to become a rapper - let's face it, Kevin Federline is a catch. Oh wait, no, that was a typo. We actually meant to say that you'd probably catch a number of highly contagious diseases from Kevin Federline if you stood face to face with him. Yes, that's much better. Sorry for the confusion. But, hey, just because we think that Kevin Federline is a bit of a sleazy reality-divorced greaseball, it doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there for him. And that someone might just be Britney Spears. Again. Terrifying, isn't it?
Those eyes, that belly, the ridiculous desire to become a rapper - let's face it, Kevin Federline is a catch. Oh wait, no, that was a typo. We actually meant to say that you'd probably catch a number of highly contagious diseases from Kevin Federline if you stood face to face with him. Yes, that's much better. Sorry for the confusion. But, hey, just because we think that Kevin Federline is a bit of a sleazy reality-divorced greaseball, it doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there for him. And that someone might just be Britney Spears. Again. Terrifying, isn't it?
