Articles tagged with: Britain’s Got Talent
Britain’s Got Talent Final: Diversity Win! Kill Us Now! We Mean It!
It wasn't supposed to happen this way. The paparazzi were waiting outside ITV with their wide-angle lenses attached, the party in Blackburn's village hall was ready to go (crisps, pop and some raw horse meat for Susan Boyle to tear into), and a lady who lives with 30 cats in Wisconsin had pre-written a Wikipedia entry and was sat with her finger hovering over the 'Submit Now' button. But the horrible truth was revealed, and hecklerspray were left to wonder: how do we write hilarious words about Diversity? It's like turning up for a fight and finding Mike Tyson when you expected Stephen Hawking.
It wasn't supposed to happen this way. The paparazzi were waiting outside ITV with their wide-angle lenses attached, the party in Blackburn's village hall was ready to go (crisps, pop and some raw horse meat for Susan Boyle to tear into), and a lady who lives with 30 cats in Wisconsin had pre-written a Wikipedia entry and was sat with her finger hovering over the 'Submit Now' button. But the horrible truth was revealed, and hecklerspray were left to wonder: how do we write hilarious words about Diversity? It's like turning up for a fight and finding Mike Tyson when you expected Stephen Hawking.
Britain’s Got Talent: Mid-Semis Roundup And Sweary Susan Boyle
We're halfway up the Everest of semi-finals week, and ITV have kindly given us a little sniff from a tank of oxygen, in the form of a day with no show. Caution: metaphor-stretching ahead. Since setting off from auditions basecamp, it's been a steady slog up the north face of Britain's Got Talent. The air's getting thinner than Darth Jackson's address book, and colder than the series of pumps and switches that pass for Amanda Holden's heart. But if you find yourself tiring, don't worry: Susan Boyle will truss you up with climbing rope and hoist you over her hefty shoulders.
We're halfway up the Everest of semi-finals week, and ITV have kindly given us a little sniff from a tank of oxygen, in the form of a day with no show. Caution: metaphor-stretching ahead. Since setting off from auditions basecamp, it's been a steady slog up the north face of Britain's Got Talent. The air's getting thinner than Darth Jackson's address book, and colder than the series of pumps and switches that pass for Amanda Holden's heart. But if you find yourself tiring, don't worry: Susan Boyle will truss you up with climbing rope and hoist you over her hefty shoulders.
Lily Allen Doesn’t Like Susan Boyle Very Much! BURN HER!
Things aren't always black and white, you know. There's not always one goodie and one baddie in every fight. Sometimes it's impossible to side with anyone. Just look at Lily Allen and Susan Boyle. Lily Allen has called Britain's Got Talent's breakout Pillsbury pube monster Susan Boyle 'overrated' on Twitter. Which, we have to say, is grounded in truth somewhat. But, you know, Lily Allen said it. Lily Allen. We'd suggest that Lily and Susan get a room, but we're scared that the resulting offspring will be a dumpy little half-stoat half-Ewok hybrid covered in nipples. So we won't.
Things aren't always black and white, you know. There's not always one goodie and one baddie in every fight. Sometimes it's impossible to side with anyone. Just look at Lily Allen and Susan Boyle. Lily Allen has called Britain's Got Talent's breakout Pillsbury pube monster Susan Boyle 'overrated' on Twitter. Which, we have to say, is grounded in truth somewhat. But, you know, Lily Allen said it. Lily Allen. We'd suggest that Lily and Susan get a room, but we're scared that the resulting offspring will be a dumpy little half-stoat half-Ewok hybrid covered in nipples. So we won't.
Britain’s Got Talent Pt 2: Through At Last, Through At Last, Susan Boyle Is Through At Last
In many ways, Susan Boyle's journey on Britain's Got Talent is much like the history of America's Civil Rights Movement. Both have shown that it is wrong to judge people based on appearance. Both have proven that the oppressed can, through strength of spirit and unshakable belief in what is right, break down barriers and rise above discrimination. Both are close to Oprah Winfrey's heart. And both have gone on for so long now that decent society must look deep within itself and ask: what is wrong with us, that after all which has gone before, we still must confront these things?
In many ways, Susan Boyle's journey on Britain's Got Talent is much like the history of America's Civil Rights Movement. Both have shown that it is wrong to judge people based on appearance. Both have proven that the oppressed can, through strength of spirit and unshakable belief in what is right, break down barriers and rise above discrimination. Both are close to Oprah Winfrey's heart. And both have gone on for so long now that decent society must look deep within itself and ask: what is wrong with us, that after all which has gone before, we still must confront these things?
Britain’s Got Talent Pt 1: Britain’s Got 4,000 Urban Dance Groups
Britain's Got Talent on Saturday began to tell us which 40 acts were to perform again for the public vote. And you'll never guess which Oprah-loving, Obama-hating, probably metal bar-bending Sottish singer made it. Give yourself ten points and a furtive crotch massage if you guessed Susan Boyle, she of The Voice, The Modesty and The Physical Characteristics Of A Balloon Rubbed On A Jumper Then Passed Over A Hairdresser's Floor. And Then Covered In Your Granny's Christmas Wrapping Paper.
Britain's Got Talent on Saturday began to tell us which 40 acts were to perform again for the public vote. And you'll never guess which Oprah-loving, Obama-hating, probably metal bar-bending Sottish singer made it. Give yourself ten points and a furtive crotch massage if you guessed Susan Boyle, she of The Voice, The Modesty and The Physical Characteristics Of A Balloon Rubbed On A Jumper Then Passed Over A Hairdresser's Floor. And Then Covered In Your Granny's Christmas Wrapping Paper.
Britain’s Got Talent: Susan Boyle To Win?
And now, thanks to yet another woeful miscalculation, our look at Britain's Got Talent draws to an end a week earlier than it should. Because of this, next week we'll be looking at the contenders to be the next female host of This Morning, which is just wonderful. But anyway, you know the deal by know - we pick the people we think might win Britain's Got Talent and are then shamefully, needlessly horrible about them. And this is the last one, which means one thing. Here's the Britain's Got Talent rundown for Susan Boyle...
And now, thanks to yet another woeful miscalculation, our look at Britain's Got Talent draws to an end a week earlier than it should. Because of this, next week we'll be looking at the contenders to be the next female host of This Morning, which is just wonderful. But anyway, you know the deal by know - we pick the people we think might win Britain's Got Talent and are then shamefully, needlessly horrible about them. And this is the last one, which means one thing. Here's the Britain's Got Talent rundown for Susan Boyle...
Britain’s Got Talent: But What About Jamie Pugh?
Britain's Got Talent fans, you've come to the right place. Well, maybe not the right place. You've come to a place. Because all this week we're running down the top five contestants who we think will win Britain's Got Talent. Not literally running them down, you understand - as satisfying as that would be, it'd also be illegal - and now we've reached the performer who we think will take the silver medal. So here's our Britain's Got Talent profile for Jamie Pugh...
Britain's Got Talent fans, you've come to the right place. Well, maybe not the right place. You've come to a place. Because all this week we're running down the top five contestants who we think will win Britain's Got Talent. Not literally running them down, you understand - as satisfying as that would be, it'd also be illegal - and now we've reached the performer who we think will take the silver medal. So here's our Britain's Got Talent profile for Jamie Pugh...
Britain’s Got Talent: Can Shaheen Jafargholi Win?
Here we are, then - the midway point of our Britain's Got Talent Week Of Obvious Space-Filler. By now, everyone has an idea about who'll win Britain's Got Talent - it'll probably be a funny-looking pleb with a tragic history and a penchant for showtunes. And we say that with some amount of certainty, because we've just described every single contestant on Britain's Got Talent ever. Our apologies. Anyway, what about Shaheen Jafargholi? Can he win Britain's Got Talent? Let's jolly well find out, shall we?
Here we are, then - the midway point of our Britain's Got Talent Week Of Obvious Space-Filler. By now, everyone has an idea about who'll win Britain's Got Talent - it'll probably be a funny-looking pleb with a tragic history and a penchant for showtunes. And we say that with some amount of certainty, because we've just described every single contestant on Britain's Got Talent ever. Our apologies. Anyway, what about Shaheen Jafargholi? Can he win Britain's Got Talent? Let's jolly well find out, shall we?
