What do we think about Amanda Holden? Not a great deal to be honest ? she's just sort of ?there?. Although it is difficult to look at her without remembering that she used to have regular sex with chicken enthusiast Les Dennis which is, frankly, horrible.
The fact that she also let Neil Morrissey push his winky into her foo-foo is also deeply harrowing to us. Although we suspect not as upsetting as it was to Les, who was still married to her at the time and probably still thinks about it as he sits in his damp-ridden bedsit eating cold baked beans straight from the tin before spending his evenings with a brown paper bag on his head weeping and masturbating.
Anyway.
She has landed herself a job on what we assume is the ironically-titled Britain?s Got Talent due to her extensive experience of, well, just being around and that.
And on said job, some contestant ? a Britney Spears looky-likey with her ?twins? on display due to an ill-judged transparent body stocking ? named Lorna Bliss (we're still trying to verify the surname) gave Amanda ?No We Shouldn?t, I'm Married? Holden a great big lesbian snog on her nose this Saturday. As a result of the ?lip-plumper? Bliss (no confirmation as yet) was wearing, Holden?s conk swelled-up like Neil Morrissey?s penis and filming had to be halted, according to reports.
At least, that is Amanda ?Those Vows Mean Something? Holden?s take on events. Remember all those pap shots of her atrocious squid?s anus of a mouth after she ?didn't? have collagen implants last year? That she attributed to bad lighting?
Yeah. we're saying nowt. Her swollen conk was as a result of a lip-gloss laden lesbian fake-Britney Spears kiss. No problem.
Still no confirmation on the veracity of the surname of Lorna Bliss, who sounds like she should be ?working the tables? at your local Madame Choo-Choos, but ? according to her website ? Eamonn Holmes is quite the fan.
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