She’s loaded. And it’s all for one simple reason – because Susan Boyle is so staggeringly odd-looking that people are truly amazed when she’s not massively incompetent at everything she tries her hand at. Oh, and also it’s because she’s got a clever financial team who don’t let her spunk all her earnings away the instant they arrive. Which has made Susan Boyle furious, by the way.
Susan Boyle is apparently complaining that she’s only allowed ?300 of her ?10 million fortune a week, which isn’t even enough to buy furniture for her new house. Honestly, with strict rules like that anyone would think that a) she has experienced mental difficulties in the past and b) is unaccustomed to dealing with large sums of money. Oh, hang on.
The important thing to remember with Susan Boyle is that it won’t last forever. She’s essentially a YouTube sensation, so sooner or later the world will move onto to another YouTube sensation – maybe a baby that looks like Vladimir Putin, or a seagull in a top hat – and forget about her.
But at least when that happens, Susan Boyle will be set for life. Her management team has set up a system of trusts and investments to ensure that, even if her popularity wanes, she’ll still have the bulk of her ?10 million fortune to live off when she retires. The downside to this is that Susan is only allowed ?300 a week in spending money, which seems fair enough.
Remember that Susan Boyle was admitted to The Priory just because she didn’t win Britain’s Got Talent, and that her mental frailties could cause her to spunk away her entire fortune on a giant fibreglass statue of a dancing pony if she had unrestricted financial access.
But still, Susan Boyle’s brother Gerry has got wind of this system and has expressed concern that he won’t be able to buy that private jet he’s had his eye on it’ll have a negative effect on his sister. He told News Of The World:
“Susan said to me, ‘I’ve been told I get ?300 a week because I’m a novice. I don’t have the money to go and buy the furniture’. So she’s still stuck in the small council house where we all grew up. She should be able to walk into a bank anywhere and say she wants ?50,000 cash. That may not be advisable, but it would be HER choice because it’s HER money.”
Yes, surely she should be able to do that. Surely Susan Boyle should be able to walk into any bank she likes and say “I’d like ?50,000 cash, please, so that my brother can buy an expensive month-long holiday, an enchanted amulet and a necklace made of buzzard eyes.” The fact that she can’t is madness. Pure madness.