Michael McIntyre, a man that seemingly no stand-up comedian likes because he’s not edgy enough and became incredibly famous in a very short period of time, is clearly seeing off the competition before they get a foothold on the comedy ladder.
McIntyre, who is starring on the panel of judges on the new Britain’s Got Talent series, managed to make a nine-year-old boy cry all over his tiny face during auditions for the show.
And now, amusingly, McIntyre is hoping that the footage of him being needlessly nasty to a pre-pubescent child won’t be aired. Thankfully, we’re here to report on it and don’t worry – we’re storing this information to use against him repeatedly. He’s now Michael ‘The Big Dirty Child Botherer’ McIntyre in our heads.
So, what happened?
Well, tiny budding stand-up comic, David Knight, started crying at what was presumably his first heckle. He walked on-stage and in Birmingham and McIntyre – aka Captain Buzzkill – hit the ‘no, piss-off’ buzzer before the kid had even started his routine, after admitting his favourite comedian was Harry Hill.
Realising he looked like a massive dong, McIntyre quickly back-pedalled and apologised for ripping out a nine-year-old’s ambition and taking a massive shit on it, soon to be broadcast on national television.
He said:
?I'm sorry, it was a joke, not one of my best. You're naturally funny ? a star in the making.?
Hasselhoff, who has inexplicably been asked to star as a judge on the show, threw his tuppence into the fray, saying:
“You are not only the best nine-year-old comedian I have seen, you are the best comedian. You belong on that stage. I’ve never seen anyone intimidate Michael like that. I love you for it.”
God. Americans can be so achingly hokey can’t they? He’s only nine, but already, The Hoff considers him to be better than Richard Pryor, Bill Hicks and Billy Connolly. What a spectacular dimgit he is.
Anyway, after McIntyre had ravaged a young boy’s dreams, he realised that this might stick a boot in on his Nice Guy Of Comedy facade.
“He had bought a one way ticket to tears. I thought I was going to have to jump on the stage. The buzzer is so loud. I hope they edit that out. I don’t want to see him jumping out of his skin.”
That’s right. You’re doing this for him aren’t you? You keep telling yourself that while you do your best to find some eye-holes that look good on an adult face.
In fairness to McIntyre, he is saving some of his manufactured ire (apparently at the behest of ITV) for the adults as well. One chap called John Hampson walked on-stage painted gold and walked off the stage after McIntyre pressed the buzzer before he reached the chorus of Spandau Ballet's ?Gold?.
The comedian said:
“He’s not the father of the young comedian, is he? That family hates me. What is it with me today? I saw a man with a gold head, singing ?Gold? and I thought, ?This is the moment I am paid to press my buzzer.? Now he is sitting in a taxi, with his gold face.?
Imagine that. Having your hopes torn apart by Michael ‘Have You Ever Noticed This Mundane Thing We Do?’ McIntyre and then, having to sit in a taxi, painted gold while a taxi driver tries not to talk to you because he clearly thinks you’re mental.
Oh! What a circus!
Still, that all said and done, McIntyre is still a better person than most of you lot. At least he didn’t vote for Stavros Flatley. You idiotic roost of chicken-minded simpletons.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!
melina says
OH DEAR GOD! This story is rubbish! It was a JOKE! If a 9 year old “comedian” doesn’t get that, what kind of a comedian is he then?
Oh wait, one who’s dad writes the little jokes for him. As if a 9 year old can write his own stand up! I bet he was only put through because of his age. All kids are. Remember Connie Talbot? There here today gone tomorrow.
Michael McIntyre is a lovely man, I met him at a signing, he was half an hour late – so to make up for it we were allowed to chat to him. All 200 of us. We weren’t meant to – but he’s that nice!
Arianne says
Am I the only one that Laughed my ass off when I heard about this! As a fan of Michael’s I know this is something he would do, and it was such a witty comment and lets be fair to the haters, if you were in Michael’s place you would have made the joke to, I honestly don’t know what the big deal of why the kid cried about it, I mean should he have not been prepared to get all no’s and the joke honestly wasn’t that bad :/ that’s just what I think, don’t mean to offened anyone. :)