Posts tagged as:

acting

Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie To Enter Depressing World Of Marriage

by Mof Gimmers

You there. You probably fancy Brad Pitt. You probably fancy Angelina Jolie as well. There’s laws written which mean that everyone must lust after one of them at some point in your pathetic excuse for a life, or else risk the punishment of certain death. And now, we’re about to have our collective nose rubbed [...]

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Don’t Get Brad Pitt Started On Religion Okay?

by Mof Gimmers

Oooh! Brad Pitt! He’s got a well-made face hasn’t he? Remember when he had his top off in Fight Club?! That was good acting wasn’t it? Yeah, everyone loves Brad Pitt. Women want to be him, men want to kiss him on the ear! But what do we know about Pitt? Well, we know that [...]

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Rod Stewart’s Daughter, Kimberley, Is Having Benicio Del Toro’s Baby

by Mof Gimmers

Rod Stewart is one of the most unlikely sex symbols in history. Face it, he looks like a melted waxwork of Sarah Jessica Parker crossed with a dead leopard and a nylon bag filled with hammers. Yet somehow, women still want to have sex with him. One sexual encounter produced a child called Kimberley who, [...]

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Jeremy Irons Thinks Smokers Need To Be Protected Like Disabled Folk

by Mof Gimmers

Smokers are having a hard time of it in certain quarters. In many places, they’re no longer allowed to smoke in pubs and bars, leaving them to brilliantly stand in doorways blowing stinkin’ plumes over mewing non-smokers as they walk on by. In parts of America, you can be arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay [...]

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Justin Bieber Wants To Play A Snivelling Little Runt – World Shocked

by Michael Park

Canada’s shame – Justin Bieber – has spoken of his desire to play the part of Oliver Twist as they share a common heritage. In addition to this, they also share the common trait of being easily led into money that comes around all too easily as the result of singing a few dreary,  saccharine [...]

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Russell Brand Still Can’t Act (Trailer For Arthur Remake Pretty Much Underlines The Point)

by Kris Silver

A new trailer for Russell Brand’s probably eagerly awaited latest film, a remake of Steve Gordon’s 1981 film Arthur, has been released, so we here at hecklerspray thought we’d take some time to take a peek and try to figure out what we can expect from the latest in a long line of Hollywood remakes [...]

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Angelina Jolie Quits Acting To Pursue Full-Time Sanctimony

by Stuart Heritage

Team Aniston, it’s time to get the bunting out; your girl has won – Angelina Jolie has decided to retire from acting.

True, Angelina Jolie may have only hinted at an eventual retirement some time in the future, and only because fame no longer provides the same spiritual nourishment as raising a family or being committed to charitable work. Nevertheless, the message is clear – Angelina Jolie is quitting acting because Jennifer Aniston called her uncool this week.

Great, that’s just what we need – a power-crazed Jennifer Aniston. Now that she knows what can happen when she deploys the word ‘uncool’, we doubt very much that she’ll stop at Angelina Jolie. All we’ll say is this – don’t be surprised if Vince Vaughn suddenly decides to retire from acting as well or if, you know, Brad Pitt develops a horrible wasting disease on his penis. Or something.

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Joaquin Phoenix Retirement Video Easily The Best Thing Ever

by Stuart Heritage

When Joaquin Phoenix announced his retirement from acting, we have a hunch that he expected wailing, anguish and possibly a national day of mourning.

That’s not exactly what happened, though. Instead, what Joaquin Phoenix got was one slightly incredulous man in a suit who quickly collapsed into slightly unprofessional fits of helpless giggles upon hearing the news. And, as we all know, since Joaquin Phoenix has done a single humorous thing in his entire life, the news didn’t go down particularly well.

We’ve got the incredible video footage of Joaquin Phoenix announcing his retirement from acting to the world’s least caring man after the jump. It’s funny, but be warned – if the apathetic reaction causes Joaquin Phoenix to reverse his decision and sign up for a sequel to The Village, we’re going to hunt that giggling man down like a dog.

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Joaquin Phoenix Has Had It Up To Here With This Acting Lark

by Stuart Heritage

We have some unbearably sad news for you – well, some unbearably sad news if you happened to like We Own The Night, anyway.

No? Nobody liked that film? OK, well we have some unbearably sad news if you happened to like Reservation Road. What? None of you liked that either? The Village? Ladder 49? Signs? Brother Bear? Nothing? You didn’t like any of them? What about 8MM, for crying out loud? Everyone liked 8MM, right? No?

Christ, alright, look. What we’re trying to tell you is that Joaquin Phoenix has decided to quit acting forever. But before you start shrugging, bear this in mind – Joaquin Phoenix has quit acting so that he can focus on his music career. That sound you can hear right now? That’s the sound of your soul groaning.

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Greatest News Since Sliced Bread: De Niro & Pacino To Star In Same Film

by Paul Sorrenti

pacino and de niro to star in same filmIt is the sort of news that would have lesser entertainment sites typing, over and over again, in an indecent boldness of font, the letters: OMG.

That most blasphemous initialising of ‘Oh My, God’, which the youths of today treat so brazenly, as if the name of our Lord were merely a soiled menstrual nappy to be tossed away willy-nilly, it’s sacrilegious smudge left to spread amongst the scum-ridden culture-wasteland of working class society.

The word God must never be abbreviated. It is an act of devolution so disgusting that it shant be matched until the day The Kooks are considered anything other than the most grotesque of namby-pambies.

But if hecklerspray were as pathetic as those sites then, right now, we would be licking our own ejaculate into a mural of OMG’s, high on to the ceiling above us, because Robert De Niro and Al Pacino are going to be acting together in the same movie.

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