Oooh! Brad Pitt! He’s got a well-made face hasn’t he? Remember when he had his top off in Fight Club?! That was good acting wasn’t it? Yeah, everyone loves Brad Pitt. Women want to be him, men want to kiss him on the ear!
But what do we know about Pitt? Well, we know that he’s shacked-up with Angelina Jolie, who is universally accepted as the most beautiful woman on Earth (for some reason) and together, they’ve amassed quite a collection of children. Um. And that’s it.
So what about God? Does Brad Pitt believe in God? We need to know because we’re not going to carry around the guilt, worry and odd views on contraception and homosexuals until we know if Brad Pitt thinks that it’s okay. So come on Brad! TELL US ABOUT JESUS OR ALIENS OR BUDDHA OR WHATEVER THE SAM HELL YOU BELIEVE IN!
Well, it would appear that Pitt doesn’t want to say too much because… well… that would make him edge dangerously close to being interesting.
Speaking with his mouth-hole at the thesp-junket, the Cannes Film Festival, he said:
“I got brought up being told things were God’s way, and when things didn’t work out it was called God’s plan.”
Okay, so far, so exactly the same as millions of other children who were raised by religious parents with short fingernails and a lack of biscuits in the house.
But wait! It would appear, like all good religiously reared children, his Southern Baptist upbringing isn’t something he’s particularly fond of when he looks back on it…
“I’ve got my issues with it. Don’t get me started. I found it very stifling.”
It goes without saying that, in America, you MUST AND SHALL be a Christian because, as we all know, America invented Jesus, despite the fact if the Bible Belt saw a bloke from the Middle East walking around trying to convert people to his religion while trashing the occasional market, they’d probably ship him off to Guantanamo Bay before he could say “I’ve not done anything wrong!”
So is Brad Pitt a Godfearing Christian then? America MUST know! Well, he’s not too keen to say (which would suggest he isn’t) and would rather talk about his parenting skills.
“I think of everything I do now that my kids are going to see when they grow up and how are they going to feel. But they know me as a dad… and I hope they’ll just think of me as a pretty damn good actor.”
They’ll probably be mental by the time they’re 16 thanks to their obscene wealth, so while they may well rate your acting prowess, chances are, they’ll be dead-eyed coke fiends so we wouldn’t worry too much.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!