We’re going to start this off by dragging your collective minds out of the gutter… we mean the lips on her face. Anyone who thought different will be made to sit and write 1,000 lines, with an also-ostracised Editor Mof Gimmers.
Explaining why her breasts were cast to offset the bombastic and yet somehow monotonous and threadbare work of Michael Bay, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley has spoken about the facial features that got her bullied in secondary school.
It’s going to be a long summer filled with less-than-special effects and poorly-implemented 3D that’s going to make you whimper for something lower tech. A few of this season’s films look especially ropey on the old effects there; The Green Lantern and Captain America among the worst. As not even boys can suffer through 120 minutes of explosions, all of these films are going to have bonus boobs. Boobs, attached to some pretty-but-interchangeable woman, who’s onscreen intermittently to remind you there is a God.
In this case, those boobs belong to Rosie. She replaces an angry Megan Fox who left to join the Spice Girls, or something, according to an annoyed-sounding Shia LaBeouf.
Oh, did we not mention, Rosie was cast in Transformers: Dark Of The Moon because she’s comfortable larking about in her skivvies. Speaking about Megan’s departure, Shia told a newspaper that
‘Mike films women in a way that appeals to a 16-year-old sexuality. It's Michael?s style. And I think [Megan] never got comfortable with it… Rosie comes with this Victoria?s Secret background, and she's comfortable with it, so she can get down with Mike?s way of working and it makes the whole set vibe very different.?
Boobs. We actually weren’t kidding about that.
The model seems passable at worst in the trailer. But she’s doing herself no favours in her interviews. Not that it’s her fault, but time and time again she’s asked about her famous pout. Speaking to Maxim, Rosie admits her lips have magical powers. Which, of course, means she’s a witch and should be burned at the stake.
‘The rest of my body requires a lot of upkeep, but the lips are one thing I don't have to work on. They?re funny, because they change colour with my mood. They get really, really red when I'm angry or passionate, and pale when I'm miserable or tired. But I suppose everyone else?s do too. They have a life of their own. they get me in trouble. You know mood rings? I've got mood lips.’
This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, so three stinkin? cheers for that.
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