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Trying to land the coveted first snaps of a celebrity baby is something all rags and publications fight tooth and nail for and, boy howdy! We’ve only gone and landed the first shots of Beyonce and Jay Z’s new child, Blue Ivy!
We’re as shocked as you are!
And weirdly, we’ve got 50 Cent to thank for such an honour because he leaked them to us, allowing us to share them with you. Very good of Fiddy to give us such an exclusive isn’t it? Yes it is. Wanna see?
When 50 Cent released an album called ‘Get Rich Or Die Tryin”, no-one really suspected that what he actually meant was, at some point, he’d get so bored of being a rapper that he’d just give up living.
We’re not talking about suicide here, rather, just the complete lack of will to stay alive. He’s got rich, now he’s not bothered about breathing anymore.
And 2012 has seen Fiddy talking about just that. He just wants to stop everything. He’s had enough.
Big tough guy 50 Cent quit alcohol for life after becoming ‘paranoid’ during one bad experience, or so he says. We think that’s what he said. Have you heard him talk? He sounds like a deaf tractor engine when he raps.
Of course, Fiddy spent years as a drug dealer before finding fame and fortune as a rapper, but alas, he admits that he’s never been one to indulge in drugs or drink.
Because he’s a soft-git and had a bad experience. And we know exactly what happened.
50 Cent is an astonishing man. He’s the one who opened the door for ‘deaf rap’. No, not ‘def’. We mean ‘hard of hearing’ because, if you listen to his style, he sounds like he’s got a sock for a tongue. This paved the way for many, many tone deaf rappers.
If your skills and flow are severely limited, then the best thing to do is to court controversy.
And that is exactly what 50 Cent is doing as he’s saying he won’t release another album on Interscope and also threatening to leak Dr. Dre’s new single ‘Psycho’. And grow a proper tongue.
Music lovers the world over were last Friday celebrating the news that Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson had decided not to release his forthcoming new album “Black Magic” due to an unspecified spat with his record company Interscope.
In a cruel reversal of fortune for anyone with ears and a brain, Jackson (we’re not going to dignify the whole “50 Cent” thing, much less “Fiddy”) has now announced that he has “begun to resolve” the problems so it looks like the globe will yet again be gifted with another turgid 45 minutes of monosyllabic mumbling and barely-concealed misogynism.
The big mystery is what sparked the whole thing off in the first place. We investigate…
Former G-Unit rapper Young Buck (pictured right) has pleaded not guilty on counts of gun possession in a Tennessee court. Unfortunately, 50 “Fifty” Cent’s former protegé was left standing outside the court house for a full five hours as no-one in the court had any idea who he was.
You might be sitting there saying “well, I believe him”. Perhaps you’re a Justin Bieber fan and are sitting saying “I belieb him”.
At the risk of being in contempt of court in another country, the $300,000 in unpaid taxes that Young Buck is apparently too idiotic to skip the country for, should suggest that he might be just too stupid or too callous to think that having an illegal, unregistered pistol in his house might be frowned upon by the law.
Once upon a time, people would drink in pubs where there weren’t fruit machines, cigarette dispensers and jukeboxes. In-between slurping pints of ale, people brought round battered guitars and embraced the now disappearing art of simply playing a tune whilst everyone else had a sing song, even if they were rubbish.
Now this format has been taken on to mass scale where people openly and happily flaunt their singing abilities in front of a panel of supposed experts and a pack of baying audience members.
The majority are appalling and no amount of insults will pop the egotistical shield they hide behind. At times, sparks of genius such as horse faced Leona Lewis and human gargoyle Susan Boyle proved otherwise. However, one starlet appeared this year called Gamu – a young woman with a remarkable voice. Sadly she is now less known for her talent and instead used as a guide for UK immigration laws. Rock ‘n’ roll.
50 Cent is the most aspirational human on the planet. Basically, he earns obscene amounts of money to rap, despite the fact that every time he opens his mouth, it’s like eavesdropping on a speech therapy clinic.
If Fiddy can get paid to rap, then you dear reader, can achieve absolutely anything you want if you put your little pea-brains to work.
However, Bifty Pent’s insane riches have landed him in a weird situation. See, some dorks decided to break into his house. You’re probably thinking they were in his palatial surrounds to steal things. Not so. What unfurls is like a Harold and Kumar script.
